If we Only Love God When He Answers our Prayers, we are Missing the Point

If we Only Love God When He Answers our Prayers, we are Missing the Point

I originally wrote this on February 5, 2022, but due to a conversation with my husband Mel today, I was inspired to post it again.

When we go through difficult times, such as the death of a loved one or an illness, it is easy to fall into the trap of being angry with God because He did not answer our prayers the way we expected Him to.  If we only love God when He answers our prayers, we are missing the point of what it truly means to be a Christian. There is an old saying that states God will always answer your prayers; sometimes it is "yes," sometimes it is "no," other times it is "wait."  This is a basic concept, but still true.  What is most important to remember is that God will only answer according to what is best for us, according to His perfect will, not ours.  I know it sometimes takes more faith to believe than our bruised and wounded hearts can muster, but it is true, nonetheless. If all we have is faith the size of a mustard seed to believe, it is enough (see Matthew 17:20). 

1 John 4:19, sums up all I will to say so very simply, "We love Him, because He first loved us." Combined with John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life," we really need no other reason to love and serve God! 

We love Him because only He created the universe and all that is in it, and only He is worthy of all power and praise. Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. Revelation 4:11 & And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation; Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. Revelation 5:9 & 12 

I know that the simplest of ideas can become very complicated when we are suffering.  We make it so by our unbelief. We overcomplicate God's love because we cannot see around our own hurt. The deeper and fresher the pain, the harder it is to remember that God's love is enough to sustain us.  

Bad things happen because Adam and Eve chose their own selfish wants over fellowship with their Creator (see Genesis 3).  We live in a fallen world because God chose to give us free will.  Adam and Eve betrayed this gift and chose to listen to the serpent’s lies rather than God’s warnings simply because the serpent’s lies were more appealing than God’s Truth.  This is why we live in a world full of death and tragedy, not because God is cruel, but because man chose to alienate us from God by using his free will out of the desire of wanting to be like God.  Humans do not want fellowship with God, nor do they want His advice, protection, or correction, they want to be gods!  They want to be independent.  They want to use their free will to do whatever they so please, then cry out, “God save me,” when it’s convenient.  Or curse at God even though they have made no effort to live a holy life and only pray when they want something. Therefore, “He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45) not because He is cruel, but because man chose to defy God.  Man caused this fallen world and wel all suffer because of it. 

Jesus said in John 16:33, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." He honestly tells His disciples they, and us too, we will all have hard times.  But He gives us the good news that we can find perfect peace in Him, and that He has overcome the world! In the light of eternity, this life won't matter much.  What matters is that Jesus freely died for our sins.  When we make Jesus the Lord of all our actions and choose to walk down paths of righteousness, we can live with Him eternally in Paradise. Amen, that is more than enough!

People who believe God will prevent bad things from happening end up hating God.  Christians can walk around with joy in their hearts, in spite of tragic circumstances because we have a hope of eternal happiness. For no matter what “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)   We know God grieves with us and does not intend for bad things to happen.  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) states, “'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  Does that mean God does not have any control? No, this means we will never fully know why things are allowed to happen because there is a war going on we cannot comprehend.  “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12

My favorite verse is 1 Corinthians 13:12, "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." This means that we cannot understand why things happen as they do because we cannot see the big, eternal picture, but when we get to heaven, it will all be crystal clear.  This senseless world will make sense.

My message s brief today, but just a reminder to you, as well as to myself, that loving God only when things go our way is not truly loving the Lord. Remember that God does not stop loving you when you do not do what He expects. Romans 5:8 says, " that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Yes, our actions can absolutely keep us out of the kingdom of Heaven (see Galatians 5:16-21 & Revelation 21:8), but God's love for us will never wane.  It is His profound love that sets rules because He does not want any of to go to Hell (The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9)  Romans 8:38-39 reminds us "that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Since God will not stop loving us, how dare we be so arrogant as to say we will stop loving or serving Him when we face loss, illness, or other tragedy? 

The Junk Food Gospel, Written by my Husband

 

 

The Junk Food Gospel, Written by my Husband (Mel)

We are living in the last days and the great falling away from the truth is here. Most Christians will not endure sound doctrine but prefer to have their ears tickled with man pleasing doctrines. The biggest deception is the greasy grace doctrine. Churches are serving up spiritual junk food to their congregations and people demand it. I have met many people who claim to be saved, however they told me they were living with their partner unmarried. They would also use the worst profanity, and some would even use God's name in vain and tell dirty jokes while claiming to know the Lord. Sadly, this is not a few, but many.

The churches have replaced the teaching of true grace with greasy grace. Preaching against sin and teaching holiness has been replaced with the grace for everything without repentance doctrine. We are not to be joined to the harlot (Mystery Babylon), but to be faithful to Christ. Salvation begins with repentance of sins. This means that you have a change of mind and heart in regard to your old sinful lifestyle. Christ accepts you just as you are, and if you put your faith in him and make him Lord you will be saved. When we are truly saved and baptized for the remission of sins we receive the free gift of the Holy Spirit. However, there is a second act of grace known as the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. The Baptism in the Holy Spirt also known as being filled with the Holy Spirit is when you are immersed in power with spiritual gifts given. It is only through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit that you can be transformed into a new creation.

When a person is truly saved, they are born again. Your sins are 100% forgiven and your slate is wiped clean. Your spiritual garments are washed clean and made white by the blood of Christ. You are saved by grace alone according to the finished work of Christ who made atonement for your sins. You walk perfectly before him because of the blood of Christ. In regard to salvation the righteousness of Christ is imparted to you. HOWEVER, God's Word teaches us that we must keep our garments clean, and they can become defiled through unfaithfulness to Christ. God's word also states that our names can be blotted out of the Book of Life. A lukewarm church will be vomited out of God's mouth (Revelation 3). Without holiness no man shall see the Father, according to Hebrews.

When a person is truly saved God gives them grace to grow in him. A new believer takes baby steps at first and grows with the nurture of the Holy Spirit. God is patient and gives us grace when we fall down and scrape our knee. God picks us up and carries us when we cannot walk. However, you must keep your faith until the end and walk in the light. God spoke to me once and said, "My grace is sufficient for the morning light."  When it is dawn, the sky has a little light, the light becomes brighter as the morning progresses until the sun shines brightest at noon. God gives grace to those who have a little light as they grow with the help of his Holy Spirit. However, God does Not give grace to those who love darkness and are apathetic toward righteousness. The Unconditional Eternal Security Doctrine (once saved, always saved doctrine) is a doctrine of demons and is responsible for sending many to Hell.

(Revelation 3:1-6) And unto the angel of the church in Sardis write; These things saith he that hath the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars; I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead. Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die: for I have not found thy works perfect before God. Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee. Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with me in white: for they are worthy. He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.:

(2 Peter 2:17- 22) These are wells without water, clouds that are carried with a tempest; to whom the mist of darkness is reserved for ever. For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through much wantonness, those that were clean escaped from them who live in error. While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage. For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.

Faith to Embrace That God is all His Word says He Is

 

Faith to Embrace That God is all His Word says He Is

I believe that the biggest reason people have such a difficult time accepting that God unconditionally loves them, trusting He forgives and forgets, and submitting to God is because they try too hard to place Him in a human box. 

We have all been repeatedly hurt by those who love us, so it is hard to grasp the concept that God would be any different.  It is hard to wrap our brains around the fact that when God says He will keep His promises, He actually will.  In order to help us (me too) be able to better embrace that God truly is all His Word says He is, and He will do all His Word says He will do, we need to remove human attributes from a holy God.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," saith the Lord." For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Let me back up just a bit to make it clear I fully believe Jesus Christ came to this earth in human form (And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Philippians 2:8) but after He ascended back into Heaven, all those human weaknesses disappeared. However, His compassion has never waned.  

Now, back to Isaiah 55.  We cannot ever truly comprehend the mind of God, and the sooner we accept that fact, the more we can just sit back and relax and surrender all to Him.  I know that it so much easier said than done, again, because we have difficulty seeing Him in a different light that the humans around us.

When God says He will forgive us when we repent (Then Peter said unto them, "Repent... for the remission of sins." Acts 2:38), and then will actually forget those sins, then they are forever under the precious blood Jesus shed for us.  

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:19

It is a difficult concept to grasp because not only do we find it hard to forget wrongs that have been done to us, but we also do not always forgive the people we claim to have forgiven. In our mind we may say we do, but it is easy to dredge up past hurts to the point it can be harmful to our spiritual health. On the flip side, others also tend not to forgive and forget when it comes to our offenses.  But God truly does forget our past and washes us white as snow.  Please note the first five words in the below verse are "If we confess our sins."    

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 

It is also difficult to accept unconditional love. Precious few people in our lives love and accept us without rules.  "If you will conform to my ways, then I will accept you." or "I love you, but I really do not want to be around you."  But when God says He loves us and will never stop loving us, and that He wants as much more time spent with us than we give, we can believe it is true. He will not reject us when we make mistakes, nor will He cast us aside when someone more interesting comes along.  He will always love us and find us worth His time and affection. 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35, 38-39

However, a holy God cannot tolerate sin and even though we can never be separated from His love, we can be separated from His heavenly kingdom if we refuse His rules (Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things SHALL NOT INHERIT the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21.)  

Read also all of Romans, chapter 6. Here are verses 1-2: What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

This is why "God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)  Because God is "not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9).  He compassionately wants all of us to join Him in the beautiful paradise He prepared for us (John 14:2-3).  The rules are in place so we can have a blissful eternity with our savior, not to keep us in chains, but to set us free from those chains!

Even if we cannot fully understand how it is possible, when we have faith enough to accept God will not break His promises (also 2 Peter 3:9), He will not lie to us (Titus 1:2), He will forgive and forget our sins (Mark 2:10), His love is free (Romans 5), and He truly wants the best for us (Jeremiah 29:11), then we will be more willing to surrender our heart, soul, and strength to Him (Luke 10:27).  

...God is love. 1 John 4:8

Let's face it, most of us have had to deal with an abusive authority figure either in the form of a teacher, military instructor, boss and/or parent. When we have lived through someone with power over us not treating us with the love and respect Jesus expects us to treat all people, it makes it even harder to trust that God's authority is just, fair, gentle, and good (Deuteronomy 32:4, Psalm 18:25, 2 Corinthians 10:1).  It can be near impossible to see God as a kind Heavenly Father if your earthly father and/or mother was cruel.  Again, it is why it is so vital to not place God in a human box.  If His thoughts and ways were like frail, cruel, unforgiving, cold, stubborn, rebellious humans, He would never have sent His only son to die for us so we could be cleansed from our sins by the blood of Jesus, and be healed by the stripes Jesus took on His back (Isaiah 53:5), nor prepared a place of peace and joy with Him forever (Revelation 21:4).

I pray this all sinks in.  I know it is not easy to see God outside of our limited human eyes. I will leave you with my favorite scripture verse.  This verse is saying the same as Isiah 55 above, that we cannot fully understand the mind of God because we see this world through dark sunglasses, not through the bright light of the Throne of God.  But when we get to heaven and see God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, then it will all make perfect sense. Until then, we can rely on faith to embrace that God truly is all His Word says He is, and He will do all His Word says He will do.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 

Jesus will Hold you Fast and Carry you When you Cannot Walk, Written by my Husband

 

Jesus will Hold you Fast and Carry you When you Cannot Walk, Written by my Husband (Mel)

The Lord gave me a dream of his love, care, and devotion for his children. I dreamed, that when I was a young man, the Lord found me lying in a ditch all wounded and dying. The angels picked me up and carried me and nursed me back to health spiritually. The Lord spoke to me while I was awake and said, "I will hold you fast." 

We live in an imperfect world and struggle with a fallen nature; however, God has brought us hope and redemption through the cross of Christ and help through his Holy Spirit. If after we are truly saved by his grace, we stray from him down a path of false doctrine or sin, he will come after us, as well as fight for us. Jesus will leave the 99 sheep to go after and rescue the one that is lost. The Lord chastens the son he receives and brings the rod of correction to the ones he loves. The Lord will hold you tight in his hand and will do anything to bring you back to him! The Lord loves us too much to let us remain backslidden from him. However, if you refuse to allow his Holy Spirit to correct you and choose to continue living in darkness, you may fall from grace and be blotted out of the Book of Life. A dead, or lukewarm church, will be vomited out of God's mouth (Revelation 3). Christ compares an unrepentant backslider to a dog that returns to his vomit, or a sow who after being washed clean returns to the mire (mud). 

(2 Peter 2:20-22) For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.

Salvation begins with repentance of sins. Repentance is a change of mind and heart in regard to the old sinful lifestyle, as well as a desire to become a new creation in Christ Jesus. To be truly saved, you must hunger and thirst for righteousness, and turn away from the old rebellious life you once knew.  When you repent and put your faith in the finished work of Christ upon the cross you are saved from perdition and have been given eternal life. We are justified by faith and saved by grace (unmerited favor). Christ will wash you clean and remove all of your sins and grant you a clean slate. Because of Christ's atonement made upon the cross you walk perfectly before him as long as you remain in the light. God gives us grace to grow in him. We come to him as babes on milk and learn to walk by taking baby steps. Through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit, we are transformed from the inside out. 

Grace is for those who walk by faith in the light and not for those who love darkness and are apathetic toward righteousness. Cheap grace or greasy grace is a term to describe the junk food gospel being taught in many churches today. The unconditional eternal security doctrine teaches that a saved believer cannot lose their salvation. This doctrine is contrary to scripture and leads many people to Hell. Hebrews 10:38-39 states that a believer can drawback unto perdition (Hell) if they do not remain in the faith. There are Christians who have lost their faith and died as atheists, Buddhists, agnostics etc. these will not enter the Kingdom of God.

We must deny ourselves daily, take up our cross and follow after Christ. If we love him, we will obey him. Christ taught us how we should conduct ourselves in this world. The sermon on the mount, also known as the beatitudes, are instructions that we should all live by.

Christ taught us the parable of the prodigal son in (Luke 15: 11-32). The son was tired of his rebellious life for he squandered his inheritance with riotous living. He returned home and his father ran to him, held him, and kissed him, put a robe on him, and a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. They killed the fatted calf for his son and the father said, "For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost and is found.

(Luke 15:11-32) Then He said: "A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.' So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. 

But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants." ' 

And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry.

Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.' But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, 'Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.' And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.' "

No Cure? Why Write a Poem? & Things I Will Never Know (Poems)

No Cure? Why Write a Poem? & Things I Will Never Know (Poems)

To some, poetry may not seem like a particularly profound or spiritual thing to share.  However, like the book of Psalms, I see poetry as a way to praise the Lord as well as being spiritually and emotionally healing.  

I am not a very good poet, but I recently felt the need to write these three poems. I do not believe that God gives me ideas for poems to keep to myself, so even if I only help one person, I pray my words will inspire, uplift, and encourage others.  

I plan to someday illustrate more of my poems and someday create a book of poems combined with short writings that I may or may not try to get published.  

I have included links to my other poems at the end of this writing.

Note: This poem is based off a real experience of feeling devastated after my doctor told me the pain and weakness in my body will never improve and will probably only get worse.  He was very blunt in telling me treatments would not help and the best I could hope for was to try to manage my symptoms as best as possible.  You can see my reaction by reading the poem.  

What is also true is that I had requested my Echo speaker to play music by The Gaither Vocal Band right before the doctor had called me.  I had walked out of the room to take the call (I often request phone appointments to receive medical results, so I don't have to waste gas going back to the doctor's office), and when I went back into the bedroom, the music was still playing.   It had already been a physically difficult day, and now my head was reeling after the conversation.  I was trying to simply change my sheets, but my body was rebelling, so I literally laid on the floor crying as pain was making it difficult to move.  The songs sung by one of my favorite bands truly washed over me in such a wave of God's comfort and love that by the fourth or fifth song, I was feeling emotionally, mentally, and spiritually strong in the power of Jesus!  

Yes, the Word of God should be our number one source of Biblical encouragement, but God also truly uses Godly men and women to write, sing, and play instruments that can minister to a hurting soul.  I am very grateful for such writers and musicians!

(1 John 1:3) Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God.

No Cure? (2025)

Perhaps not the worst words one can hear,

But certainly ones that elicit fear,

“There is no cure for you,

Treatments won’t help much,

And you will only get worse.”

Panic. 

Hopelessness. 

Self-pity.

Tears.  

As I lay on the floor,

In too much pain to move,

And too distressed to breathe,

My heart cries for a song,

More than my broken body needs,

My soul craves healing.

I let the music play,

Surrounded by songs I love,

Resounding in a not-so-random order,

As if God planned this play list just for me,

To remind me of all that Jesus is.

Pain taker.

Mountain mover.

Path straightener.

Joy giver.

The songs continue to bless me,

To strengthen me,

To remember that some mountains are necessary,

And that God is always with me;

May I never forget I am a child of the King!

No cure for this mortal body,

But Jesus is the remedy for my immortal soul,

His blood has healed my sin-sick spirit,

His medicine I want to take daily,

To stay clean, joyful, and whole.

Peaceful.

Forgiven.

Loved.

Royalty.

His love has cured my despair,

His mercy has inspired my actions,

I desire only to live for Him,

And though I may be crooked in body,

I can forever soar in my soul!

(Psalm 45:1 AMP) My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my psalm to the King. My tongue is like the pen of a skillful writer.

Why write a poem? (2025)

Certain things are too difficult to pen,

So why write a poem?

Why open a wound I try so hard to keep sealed?

Because scotch tape does not cure a broken heart;

After a while it loosens

And the pain seeps back out.

So why write a poem?

Will it create a permanent healing?
Will it change the past?
Can it bring back those lost,

Or fill an empty womb?

No, poetry is not a cure,

It is a process to increase my faith,

Writing words I cannot say aloud

Is a way to express,

A way to cry,

A way to scream

Without uttering a sound.

It is a way to say to God,

“I don’t understand,

But I love You anyway.”

He knows what my heart says 

In between the beats,

So why write a poem?

Because God wants to hear me,

Even when I cannot fully verbalize my heart,

He knows the way I process emotion,

He knows paper and ink are the path to closure,

He knows how to heal what I cannot.

Therefore I will praise,

I will trust,

I will tell God I love Him,

I will see beyond this life,

I will find joy and peace,

And I will write a poem.

This last poem is so very personal I almost didn't share it. The pain of never having children is something I have struggled with and know many of you can relate. I very clearly felt God tell me about a year ago that I needed to grieve this loss if I was ever to heal from it. Since God is never wrong, I knew He was right, but I wasn't really sure how or if I wanted to deal with this grief. Finally, a few months ago, I wrote this poem. If you struggle with this same pain, know you are not alone. I understand and God will hold you when you cry.

(Psalm 56:8) Thou tellest my misery: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

Things I Will Never Know (2025)

I will never know

The joy of a positive pregnancy test,

Never experience morning sickness,

Never thrill at a baby’s kick inside my belly;

WIll not keep track of the weeks and months

Until my baby is born.

I will never know

What is is like to feel that newborn in my arms,

And weep with joy as I become a mother

What it is like to see a tiny face

That is a beautiful blend of my husband and me,

To see dimples so like his father’s,

Or eyes just like mine;

To call him the name lovingly chosen.

I will never know 

What is is like to hold that little boy in my lap,

Reading him bedtime stories,

Praying with him and teaching him 

All about God’s love;

Will not hear him call me Mommy,

Or Mel called Daddy.

I will never know

How it feels to watch him grow,

To hear him giggle in delight,

As we take silly family selfies;

Will never see my child snuggle with a fluffy pet,

Or watch him grow up so fast I want time to slow down;

Will never see him delight in the love of God,

As he becomes more like Jesus every day.

No, this barren body will never carry a baby,

These empty arms will never snuggle with my child.

Yet I will always know

What it feels like to bask in the love of God,

To have my Heavenly Father hold me close,

To not know why He chose this path for me,

But to know Jesus calls me His own,

To feel His nail-scarred hands wipe away my tears,

To know He fills my empty heart,

And to know that His love will always be enough for me.

Links:

Poetry, Part 1: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2021/08/julies-poetry-part-1-1991-1994.html

Part 2: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2021/08/julies-poetry-part-2-1997-2003.html

Part 3: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2021/08/julies-poetry-part-3-2005-2017.html

Daddy's Girls & Hallelujah (Poems): https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2026/04/daddys-girls-hallelujah-poems.html