The Seven Churches of Revelation, Part 1: Ephesus

The Seven Churches of Revelation, Part 1: Ephesus

I was not sure what to write about next, but as I was scrolling through my homepage on my ministry's Facebook page, I saw three different artwork images created that listed the seven churches in Revelation.  I knew I had my answer. I know this is a topic that had been written on probably thousands of times, but I cannot assume the three postings from pages I do not even follow, as a mere coincidence.  I know many people have probably done a better job writing on this subject, but this is my humble commentary.  (Here are part 1 and 2 of my husband's excellent writings on the 7 churches: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2026/04/revelation-21-29-seven-churches-part.html & https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2026/04/revelation-31-22-seven-churches-part.html )

This is not a deep historical dive into each church, but I am mostly going to be showing us how we can apply each message to our own lives. 

(Revelation 2:1) Unto the angel of the church of Ephesus write; These things saith he that holdeth the seven stars in his right hand, who walketh in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks.

Let's go back to chapter 1. When John begins reporting his revelation from God, he tells us his description of Jesus.  Chapter 1 is too long to list here, but please read the entire chapter on your own.  Here is a brief excerpt from John's description (or you can read Revelation 1:1-20 here from my Bible Journal https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2025/05/revelation-11-20.html )

(Revelation 1:10-16) I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet, Saying, "I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and, What thou seest, write in a book, and send it unto the seven churches which are in Asia; unto Ephesus, and unto Smyrna, and unto Pergamos, and unto Thyatira, and unto Sardis, and unto Philadelphia, and unto Laodicea." And I turned to see the voice that spake with me. And being turned, I saw seven golden candlesticks; And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle. His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters. And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp two-edged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength.

Such a beautiful and majestic description!  You will see in chapter 2 that he also mentions the 7 stars and 7 candlesticks.  In verse 20, Jesus explains this:

(Revelation 1:20) The mystery of the seven stars which thou sawest in my right hand, and the seven golden candlesticks. The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches: and the seven candlesticks which thou sawest are the seven churches. 

Now we will explore these 7 churches one at a time.

(Revelation 2:2) 'I know thy works..."

You will notice that to each and every church Jesus states, "I know thy works."  No, our works can never earn our salvation, but our works very much do matter and all we do is being observed and recorded.  We will all be accountable for our works.  

(Romans 14:10-11) For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written, "As I live," saith the Lord, "every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God."   

(Proverbs 24:12) Doth not He that pondereth the heart consider it? and He that keepeth thy soul, doth not He know it? and shall not He render to every man according to his works?

(Ecclesiastes 12:14) For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

I don't mean to dwell on the judgment issue, but I believe that if more people really comprehended the fact that we will all be judged for all our actions, we would be so much more careful in our choices, so here are just two more:

(Matthew 16:27) [Jesus said], "For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works."

(Revelation 20:12-13) And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works.

Now back to Revelation, chapter 2.

(Revelation 2:2) 'I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted.'

Jesus loves to report the good things He sees in people because He wants so much for each of us to succeed in our spiritual walk with the Holy Trinity.  (2 Peter 3:9 - The Lord... is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.) He wants to encourage us to serve Him with all of our hearts. mind, and strength.  He will uphold us when no one else stands by us.  He will be our Champion and cheer us on when everyone else is trying to drag us down.  He will be our strength and help us go against the flow of an immoral world. (Romans 12:1-2 - I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.)

For the church of Ephesus, Jesus is pleased with their labor and patience.  He mentions their labor twice.  It can be very difficult to labor for the cause of Christ.  Finances, bad health, and
 lack of other resources can make it hard. However, God does not want our excuses why we cannot serve Him but is very pleased when we just get in there and serve Him in whatever ability we posses.  Have you heard this song written by Kittie L. Suffield: "Little is much when God is in it? Labor not for wealth or fame; There's a crown and you can win it, If you go in Jesus' name."?  So true.  Buy may we not seek more to lay our crown at His feet than to seek our own glory.

It is often difficult to find patience when we endure trials (Romans 5:3-4- And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:) as well as being patient with others when they exasperate us (1 Timothy 6:11 -But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.).  As I mentioned above, this series is not a historical documentary, but more of a personal one for each of us.  Therefore, I do not know what type of patience Jesus was referring to in reference to the Ephesians, but we can be certain, that both types of patience please the Lord.

There are so many ways we can choose to stand against evil.  It can be in the forms of injustice or moral issues.  In this case Jesus says here that He is pleased with those whose intolerance of evil is exposing the false apostles as liars.  Some people may get angry when a True follower of Jesus points out a false belief or heretical spiritual leader, but as long as it is done with tact and in order to help open the eyes of others, it is what Jesus would like us to do.  We do not want to turn a blind eye when we see millions following a false preacher or false messiah. (Ephesians 5:11 - And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. & Matthew 15:14 -They be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.)

(Revelation 2:4-5) 'Nevertheless, I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.'

Verses 4-5 are enough to convince me that eternal security is false doctrine (although there are many other verses in the Bible that also say the same).  When we fall away from our First Love, our walk with Jesus Christ, our candlestick can be removed out of heaven.  But the great news is that Jesus gives each and every one of us a chance to fix our mistakes.  When we repent and repeat our first works (dedicating our life to God, asking for forgiveness of sins, possibly even another baptism), He will take us back! (Here is just one writing I have done on this issue: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2023/02/come-as-you-are-but-dont-stay-that-way.html )

(Revelation 2:6) 'But this thou hast, that thou hatest the deeds of the Nicolaitanes, which I also hate.'

Jesus again points out a positive quality the Ephesians possess. He again recognizes and appreciates that they hated sinful practices.  We should emulate this attitude. (Romans 12:9 - Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.)

To quickly sum up the deeds of the Nicolaitanes (Nicolaitans, in other version) that Jesus hated, they were full of idolatrous compromise and sexual immorality, which they justified by a distorted teaching that perverted grace into a license to sin. (1 Corinthians 10:14 - Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry. & 2 Timothy 2:22 - Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.)

(Revelation 2:7) "He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God." 

This last verse to the church of Ephesus is exactly why I want to share all 7 messages of the churches so we can see how we can relate.  Because Jesus wants all of us to hear these messages.

To overcome means we have overcome sin in our lives.  Not that any of us will ever be perfect, of course, but that we can overcome temptations to sin and conquer our fleshly desires to please Jesus.  When we choose the plan of salvation and continue to walk in ways of holiness, we too we be able to eat of the tree of lie in God's eternal paradise!  

(1 John 5:3-4) For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and His commandments are not grievous. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world.

Dream of the Pilgrim, Written by my Husband

 

 

Dream of the Pilgrim

Written by my Husband (Mel)

Several years ago, the Lord gave me a dream similar to John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress. Although the dream was not as long or as detailed, as Bunyan’s dream, it was at least two hours in length. I will give a condensed version of the dream. As the dream began, I was looking down upon a ship that appeared to be from the colonial era. Then I was standing within the ship talking to my wife, Julie.  I explained to her that we were in Plymouth, Massachusetts and the ship was a reproduction of the Mayflower. We then discussed how America was founded as a Christian nation, as well as how most Americans have removed God from sight and sound in order to pursue their own pleasures. I also understood that Christians are pilgrims passing through this world, with the responsibility of sharing the Gospel with the unsaved.

Then I noticed a large staircase ascending into the air with many rooms attached at different levels. I began to ascend the staircase, and I entered a room that resembled a ballroom filled with people dressed in formal attire. I was told by the Lord that these people were lovers of pleasure more than of God, and most of them never read a single verse from the Bible in their life. I then noticed that many of the people were carrying glasses of wine in their hands, and most were drunk.
 
Then I entered a room filled with men drunk from the wine of sin, and there was broken glass everywhere. Many of the men were passed out, and some were dead. Then the Lord said to me that the wages of sin is death.

Then I entered another room filled with men that had lost all hope, and they were very depressed. I could feel their despair, and it was quite overwhelming, it gave me a strong sense of compassion for these men. The Lord said that this was the place of despair, and true peace was found only in a relationship with Him.

 Then I noticed a room at the very top of the staircase, and it was very high in the air. I entered the room, and I noticed a pulpit with three crosses engraved on it, as well as altars for kneeling all around the room.  Above the room there was no ceiling, only a beautiful sky filled with the golden light of God’s glory. The Lord said to me that this was the place of repentance and new birth. I understood that if a person would repent of their sins, as well as put their faith in Christ, that they would experience true peace, as well as joy, and would discover the true meaning of life. Then I departed the room and began to descend the staircase.

I then noticed a man climbing the staircase toward the upper room, he was covered with leprosy, and he stank with a pungent body odor from sin. I felt unconditional love for this man, and I would do anything I could to help him, I didn’t care what he looked like or the smell that came from his body.  I reached out my arm to him and asked if I could give him a hand.  I helped pull him up, and I gave him a hug, and told him that I loved him. I told him that I knew what was in the upper room, and he replied, “Don’t tell me, I must find out for myself.” Then before the man ascended the staircase to this upper room, I told him that things were going to get a whole lot better! Then the Lord told me that after this man repented of his sins and experienced the new birth, he would be healed from sin, as well as given a white garment.  This was the end of dream.

I awoke from this dream in tears, because I could feel the love that God has for His creation. I understood that God loved mankind so much that he was willing to leave his throne in Glory and become a man and die on the cross for us. The Lord is willing to forgive us of all of our sins, no matter how big they are if we will repent of them, repentance means to turn away from them. The Lord is very patient, as well as merciful with each of us, he gives us time to grow in our Christian Walk. We enter the Kingdom of God as a baby, we learn to walk by taking baby steps at first, we also start off on milk, then eventually we mature to strong meat. The Lord does not expect perfection, but he does expect us to grow spiritually, as well as to produce good fruit (Galatians 5). We are also called to be set apart from the sinful world, if a person is truly born again it will show in their lifestyle. Also consider these Scriptures.

 (1 John 1: 9) If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

(1 Timothy 6: 11) But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.  12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

(2 Corinthians 7:10) For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.

(Luke 15:7) I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.

 (1 Corinthians 6: 9) Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.  11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.   

Is swearing such a big deal?

 

Is swearing such a big deal?

As with all my writings, this does not come from a self-righteous heart.  I too have struggled in this area.  Most bad habits, especially those we learned as a child, are very difficult to break.  It is only with the power of the Holy Spirit that we can ever find victory over any sin.

My husband and I do not own a TV, but we read and listen to a lot of books and audio books.  We started a Christian series earlier this year where the first book in the series had a least 3 swear words in it (we weren't actually keeping a tally; this is just an estimate.).  Just like we used to do when we watched tv or a movie and turned off a program with profanity, we never should have read more of this author's books.  However, we read a few more, and every single one had a minimum of 3 bad words.  It was not until we reached, I think it was the 5th book, that we finally listened to our conscience about these novels and allowed the Holy Spiri to convict us for putting entertainment over pleasing the Lord.  This author had the audacity to use our Lord and Savior's name as a curse word!  We were done with her books right then and there.  We also repented for reading as far as we had.  The nutty thing is, we watched a YouTube video with this author saying she had strong Christian morals and would never use swearing in her novels!  (And on a side note, yes, YouTube can absolutely be as dangerous as tv/movies, so we extremely limit how much we watch it.)  It was her interview that got me to thinking that because she never used the F word, that maybe she considered her choice of bad words as soft cursing, and not the hard kind, so she justified it.  I really don't know what her excuse was.  Or what the excuse is for swearing behind the pulpit.      

It is amazing how often Christians, including pastors behind the pulpit, are using profanity. Christian influencers and others saying they are taking a stand for Jesus are also quick to spout profanity as casually as if they are saying, "good morning."  We have become so desensitized to such talk that many seem to think a swear word here or there is no big deal.  So is swearing such a big deal?  I will let the below scriptures do the reasoning for me (posted at the end) and let you come to your own conclusion on this subject.

When we look, act, and talk just like the world, we are not reflecting the attributes of Jesus Christ.  

(Romans 12:1-2) I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Next time you are about to let a nasty word fly out of your mouth, and I know this is so very cliche, but yet it is also very soul searching, stop and consider, "What would Jeus do?" Would the True Jesus of the Bible, NOT the liberal, watered-down Jesus who winks at sin version of Jesus, truly be okay with all that comes out your mouth?  Would you say it if he was visibly standing next to you?  Guess what, he is always there.

Is this a sin that will send you to hell?  That is between you and God.  But I do know that just because an act of rebellion may not send you to hell (and no that is not a swear word when used to described a place), that doesn't mean it is acceptable in the eyes of God.  Why would you want to make Jesus sad just because you want to look tough or cool because you said a naughty word?  Do you want to impress your peers or Jesus? Did your buddies die for you?

As I mentioned above, I too have struggled with such an issue, and I humbly ask the Holy Spirit to help me conquer my bad language. He has helped me drastically reduce my swearing so that it is much rarer than it used to be.  I find myself trying to be creative and in place of a swear word I might say something silly like "Oh, peanut butter and jelly," or "Oh, banana bread." I guess I think about food a lot, but you get the idea!  Sometimes saying something stupid can even calm my mood and realize that an unholy swear word is really not worth making Jesus sad.    

Anyway, here are those scriptures:

(Ephesians 4:29, AMP) Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak].

(Ephesians 5:4, AMP) Let there be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse [obscene or vulgar] joking, because such things are not appropriate [for believers]; but instead speak of your thankfulness [to God].

(Proverbs 4:24) Put away from thee a froward [stubbornly rebellious] mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.

(James 3: 6, 8, & 10) And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

(Matthew 12:35-36) A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

(2 Corinthians 7:1) Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

(Deuteronomy 5:11) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

(1 Peter 3:10)  For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil.

(Matthew 15:11) Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.

If we Only Love God When He Answers our Prayers, we are Missing the Point

 

If we Only Love God When He Answers our Prayers, we are Missing the Point

I originally wrote this on February 5, 2022, but due to a conversation with my husband Mel, I was inspired to post it again.

When we go through difficult times, such as the death of a loved one or an illness, it is easy to fall into the trap of being angry with God because He did not answer our prayers the way we expected Him to.  If we only love God when He answers our prayers, we are missing the point of what it truly means to be a Christian. There is an old saying that states God will always answer your prayers; sometimes it is "yes," sometimes it is "no," other times it is "wait."  This is a basic concept, but still true.  What is most important to remember is that God will only answer according to what is best for us, according to His perfect will, not ours.  I know it sometimes takes more faith to believe than our bruised and wounded hearts can muster, but it is true, nonetheless. If all we have is faith the size of a mustard seed to believe, it is enough (see Matthew 17:20). 

1 John 4:19, sums up all I will to say so very simply, "We love Him, because He first loved us." Combined with John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life," we really need no other reason to love and serve God! 

We love Him because only He created the universe and all that is in it, and only He is worthy of all power and praise. Revelation 4:11 - Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. & Revelation 5:9 & 12 - And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation; Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. 

I know that the simplest of ideas can become very complicated when we are suffering.  We make it so by our unbelief. We overcomplicate God's love because we cannot see around our own hurt. The deeper and fresher the pain, the harder it is to remember that God's love is enough to sustain us.  

Bad things happen because Adam and Eve chose their own selfish wants over fellowship with their Creator (see Genesis 3).  We live in a fallen world because God chose to give us free will.  Adam and Eve betrayed this gift and chose to listen to the serpent’s lies rather than God’s warnings simply because the serpent’s lies were more appealing than God’s Truth.  This is why we live in a world full of death and tragedy, not because God is cruel, but because man chose to alienate us from God by using his free will out of the desire of wanting to be like God.  Humans do not want fellowship with God, nor do they want His advice, protection, or correction, they want to be gods!  They want to be independent.  They want to use their free will to do whatever they so please, then cry out, “God save me,” when it’s convenient.  Or curse at God even though they have made no effort to live a holy life and only pray when they want something. Therefore, “He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45) not because He is cruel, but because man chose to defy God.  Man caused this fallen world and we all suffer because of it. 

Jesus said in John 16:33, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." He honestly tells His disciples they, and us too, we will all have hard times.  But He gives us the good news that we can find perfect peace in Him, and that He has overcome the world! In the light of eternity, this life won't matter much.  What matters is that Jesus freely died for our sins.  When we make Jesus the Lord of all our actions and choose to walk down paths of righteousness, we can live with Him eternally in Paradise. Amen, that is more than enough!

People who believe God will prevent bad things from happening end up hating God.  Christians can walk around with joy in their hearts, in spite of tragic circumstances because we have a hope of eternal happiness. For no matter what “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)   We know God grieves with us and does not intend for bad things to happen.  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) states, “'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  Does that mean God does not have any control? No, this means we will never fully know why things are allowed to happen because there is a war going on we cannot comprehend. 

(Ephesians 6:12) For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

My favorite verse is 1 Corinthians 13:12, "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." This means that we cannot understand why things happen as they do because we cannot see the big, eternal picture, but when we get to heaven, it will all be crystal clear.  This senseless world will make sense.

My message s brief today, but just a reminder to you, as well as to myself, that loving God only when things go our way is not truly loving the Lord. Remember that God does not stop loving you when you do not do what He expects. Romans 5:8 says, " that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Yes, our actions can absolutely keep us out of the kingdom of Heaven (see Galatians 5:16-21 & Revelation 21:8), but God's love for us will never wane.  It is His profound love that sets rules because He does not want any of to go to Hell (2 Peter 3:9 - The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.). Romans 8:38-39 reminds us "that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Since God will not stop loving us even after we repeatedly disrespect Him, how dare we be so arrogant as to say we will stop loving or serving Him when we face loss, illness, or other tragedy?  Instead, let's try to remember to be eternally minded and remember all Jesus went through to prepare paradise for us.  Then praise Him because we will someday be in perfect peace and perfect health with the Holy Trinity through all eternity and this world will be but a hazy memory!  

The Message of Salvation

The Message of Salvation

I often pray about what subject God would like me to write on, and I keep feeling like He is asking me to write about the plan of His salvation. I realize that is a common theme in many of my blogs, but I think He wants me to be more specific. I pray the Holy Spirit helps me write this.  

One of the passages today in my Bible study was 2 Corinthians 5, which just happens to be perfect for this blog (included with white and yellow). Also, I keep picturing the message of salvation gloves my parents (and others) used to wear when teaching literal and spiritual children about salvation.  (The image I used for this writing is not exactly like the ones I remember, from the 1970s-80s, but it is similar.)  I am going to use the salvation glove as inspiration for this writing.  I realize the "Colors of Salvation" chart I found to accompany the glove has the additional color of blue, but I think that is also important so I will include that color as well. Let's start with the color black.

Black = Sin: As soon as we are of an age to choose to break a rule (not always the same age for every person), we have made an active decision to sin.  It may be a ten-year-old lying about whether or not he was the one responsible for breaking a pricey item and then blaming someone else.  Or a thirteen-year-old who sneaks out to a school dance to which her parents disapproved. Or a thirty-year-old who cheats on her husband.  Or a fifty-year-old who cheats on his taxes.  Or even the eighty-year-old who steals items from his children when they make him angry.  Are all these offenses that will send a person to hell?  Well, that is between them and God, but I can say for certain that when we rebelliously choose to do wrong, we are putting our soul in danger.  When we say, "God, I will not follow your rules," you can be sure you are living in that black area of sin.  

(Romans 3:23) For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.

Red = Blood of Jesus: So if we are all living in a state of sin, how can we ever find hope for eternity? ONLY through the shed blood of Jesus on the cross.

Jesus was born for the sole purpose of sacrificing His life thirty-three years later.  Jesus gave up His throne surrounded by angels for a life where His authority was rarely recognized.  He came to this cruel and heartless world in the form of pure innocence and humility.  He knew He would never fully be accepted by His peers, and that even those who claimed to love Him would desert Him in the end.  He knew not just the emotional sorrows He would face, but the physical as well.  He would willingly endure excruciating torture (The word excruciating exists because of the severe pain suffered during crucifixion.).  Yes, He also knew He would be raised from the dead three days after His death, but He did not endure long hours of agony just to glorify Himself.  He allowed Himself to be beaten raw and pierced through to die a slow death just for you and me! 

His blood on the cross is the only reason you and I have the option of spending eternity with Him in paradise. He paid for our sins by hanging in humiliation on a cross with wood splinters buried into an already raw and bloodied back, a crown of literal thorns causing blood to burn his eyes as it dripped down His face.

Jesus died to save us from our sins as we can never, ever save ourselves.  Even though our works will be judged (Matthew 16:27 - For the Son of man shall come in the glory of His Father with His angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works.), they can never earn our salvation.

(1 John 1:7) If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

(Revelation 1:5) Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood.

White = Purity: Now that we know about this free gift, let's apply His precious blood to our lives.  First, but certainly not last, we must ask Jesus to forgive our sins and ask Him into our heart to rule as our Savior.  

The wonderful news is that Jesus will always forgive us of our sins each and every time we ask! But we are not to exhaust His grace or take advantage of it by taking our sins lightly.  We must still show God the utmost reverence and follow His rules.

(Romans 6:1-2) What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

We must strive to give up our sinful lifestyles and keep those sins as bay and not repeat our mistakes, lest we lose this precious gift from Jesus.  It is a daily decision to walk in purty before a holy God (see Luke 9:23 & 1 Corinthians 15:31). (Please read all of Romans 6.)

(Romans 6:18-23) Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness. What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death. But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

(Luke 13:23-24) Then said one unto him, Lord, "Are there few that be saved?" And He said unto them, "Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able."

(2 Corinthians 5:15-21) And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again. Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. 

Blue = Baptism:  Being both water baptized and baptized in the holy spirit are necessary acts of salvation.

In one of my husband's blogs (https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2026/05/jesus-said-he-is-series-part-5-living.html) he put it this way, "After we truly repent of our sins and put our faith in Christ and his atonement upon the cross, it is also essential that we are baptized in water. Water baptism is an act of obedience; it proclaims to the world that you have been born again. You are marked by God, and you identify with the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ through water baptism. You are also proclaiming that you have been crucified with Christ and are dead to sin and risen with Christ as a new creation! Many Christians have never been taught that there is more to their spiritual walk. In order to live an overcoming Christian life in these dark times, it is essential that we be filled with God’s Holy Spirit (Baptism in the Holy Spirit). You cannot be saved unless you have been filled (baptized) with the Holy Spirit. The atonement of Christ provided for the fullness of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the life of the believer. The Holy Trinity is received by faith alone in the finished work of Christ. The Baptism in the Holy Spirit is a second act of Grace, and it is when a believer is filled and becomes indwelt by the Holy Spirit. The Baptism is an immersion of power that is accompanied by spiritual gifts according to God's will and must be sought after by faith. The Holy Spirit is God, he is the third person of the Holy Trinity, and he indwells us, as well as ministers to us. It is God’s will that we all experience the fullness of God and that is only possible by receiving the baptism in the Spirit. The infilling of the Holy Spirit was given through the laying on of the hands of the Apostles within Scripture. It was first given on the Day of Pentecost to those seeking God in the upper room. You may receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit by earnestly seeking God in prayer, or through the laying on of hands."

(John 3:5-7) Jesus answered, "Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again."

(Acts 2:28) Then Peter said unto them, "Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost."

Green = Growth: I am not sure why the glove in the picture above has a sad heart on it, but I am going to talk about growing in Jesus as being essential for or salvation.

2 Corinthians 5 above reminds us that we should become a new creation when we get saved. For more on being a new creation, you can read my blog here on that topic: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2026/03/2-corinthians-510-11-17-21-new-creation.html

When we walk in Christ and grow in Him, we must yearn to grow past the basics of the Salvation message (milk) and seek out the richer spiritual food to help us thrive and grow in Jesus (meat).    

(Hebrews 5:12-14, AMP) For though by this time you ought to be teachers [because of the time you have had to learn these truths], you actually need someone to teach you again the elementary principles of God’s word [from the beginning], and you have come to be continually in need of milk, not solid food. For everyone who lives on milk is [doctrinally inexperienced and] unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a spiritual infant. But solid food is for the [spiritually] mature, whose senses are trained by practice to distinguish between what is morally good and what is evil.

Some people may be new to Christianity and mere babes in the ways of the Lord.  They are still on spiritual milk and have not yet progressed to the meat of understanding the deeper things beyond the basic gospel message.  2 Timothy 2:5 means that we are to do our own studying so we can learn to understand right from wrong, not let someone else tell us their version of right and wrong: "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 

The more we study the Bible, the more the Holy Spirit will teach us about what God hates, and we will learn how to choose to do right.  Delving into the meat of God's Word will also make it clear who we should and should not follow and lets us know who the false teachers are and know when what they are teaching does not align with the holy Word of God.  We will know to run from such liars and manipulators.

Yellow = Heaven: The shed blood and death of Jesus not only purchased our salvation, but also His miraculous resurrection! Because Jesus rose from the dead three days after His crucifixion, He also conquered death and hell so those who choose His free gifts can and continue to honor His ways can live with Him in eternity.

(Revelation 1:18) I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.

Because I know this is already a lot to read, if you want to later read more about how to choose heaven over hell, please see my writing on the subject here: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2026/03/heaven-hell-series-part-6-how-to-choose.html

Now let's go back to 2 Corinthians that points to the end of this temporal life and the beginning of our eternal one.  Then I will end with Revelation 21 that gives is a beautiful description of Heaven that can bring us hope.

(2 Corinthians 5:1-12) For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven: If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked. For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life. Now he that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit. Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: For we walk by faith, not by sight:) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences. For we commend not ourselves again unto you, but give you occasion to glory on our behalf, that ye may have somewhat to answer them which glory in appearance, and not in heart.

(Revelation 21:1-27) And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."

And He that sat upon the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new... It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son."

"But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

And there came unto me one of the seven angels... And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal...And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass. And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald; The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolyte; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst. And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it. And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it. And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there. And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it.

And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life.

Song: The Plan of Salvation sung by The Cathedrals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwzbAdXZ0So&list=RDYwzbAdXZ0So&start_radio=1

A Warning from God: Christians, stop fighting on Facebook! Written by my Husband

 

A Warning from God: Christians, stop fighting on Facebook!

Written by my Husband (Mel)

The Lord gave me a long dream, and the message remained after I was awake and in the Spirit. The Lord is very displeased with the Facebook (and all other social media platforms) Christian groups and pages. Non-Christians are watching all of the fighting, arguing, name calling, belittling, religious and doctrinal war going on.

This flesh fest of those who claim to be Christians is pushing people away from Christ and salvation. The world is watching the consistent strife of those who claim to know the truth. Many claim to be contending for the faith through discussions. However, most are not civil, and act like spoiled, rude, children. People feel the need to attack one another over anything and everything.

There was a time when people respected their elders and especially the clergy. Those times are gone. I'm a 61-year-old minister. People aware of this have treated me worse than a felon in some of these groups. I have had people use profanity toward me, while telling me that I was going to Hell. I no longer participate in online groups or pages.

The Lord gave me a dream in the past to avoid these groups. I dreamed that a friend and I were standing up to our waist in muddy water that stank. I took a drink of the water and spit it out, and said, "This is nasty, let's get out!"

In another dream, I was dressed as a police officer, and an angel of the Lord was also dressed as a police officer. The angel said to me, "There was a time when we were respected, but not anymore". The police uniforms that the angel and I were wearing were symbolic of spiritual authority. There is little fear of the Lord, or respect for his ministers left.

Remember people are watching us. We need to be a reflection of our Lord Jesus Christ in all we say and do.

(2 Timothy 3:1-5) This know also that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

(2 Corinthians 12:20) For I fear... there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults.

(Galatians 5:14-15 & 19-26) Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

Julie's Poetry, Part 4: 2022-2025

 

Daddy’s Girls (2022)
Two little girls,
One redhead one blonde,
Enticing Daddy to play,
“Come on, Daddy, come on!”

Daddy prepared sermons, and worked a second job,
But when the work was done,
There were Daddy-Daughter days,
With roast beef and ice cream cones.

We made believe we were robots,
Where pretzels became energy cells,
We sang silly bedtime songs,
And Daddy prayed all was well.

As the little girls grew up,
As all of us must do,
We began to go our own ways,
And times with Daddy were few.

Yet Daddy was still our support,
And encouraged us as we dreamed,
He would cheer every achievement,
And tell us defeat was not as bad as it seemed.

Then came college,
And marriage for the elder,
As he walked her down the aisle,
Daddy released her to another man’s shelter.

A family became divided,
And hearts were shattered,
But we all continued to love,
And forgave when it mattered.

Father became friend as the younger remained single,
Their bond was ever so strong,
As they shared life’s ups and downs,
Until it was time for both to move on.

A husband for the daughter,
God’s gift of joy from above,
A new wife and new location for Daddy,
They were separated but both happy with new love.

Through the distance his daughters kept in touch,
But Daddy’s health was in danger,
First a heart attack with many complications,
Many surgeries, and even cancer.

Prayers upon prayers,
Tears upon tears,
His daughters worried for Daddy
Afraid for the worst in a sea of fears.

Daddy fought like a warrior,
But his enemy was stronger,
For reasons unknown,
Daddy could stay here no longer.

They cried and screamed,
They ached beyond measure in their pain,
But they could rejoice Daddy was at peace in Heaven,
Knowing they would someday see him again.

Two grown women,
One redhead, the other blonde,
Saying, "Daddy, we will miss you,
But in our hearts, you are never gone."

Thankful for his legacy of faith,
Teaching them the Truths of Old,
Knowing God is in control,
Someday they will join him on the Streets of Gold.

(Revelation 21:4-5 & 21) And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

This poem is based on true events. I had indeed had a dream about my dad leaving in the middle of a conversation, and I was racing after him, begging him to stay longer. Four years later, and I still have similar dreams from time to time. But the truth is, I would not have him back for anything. My daddy is in perfect peace and health in Heaven, and much, much happier there!

It is also true that my dad's widow told me that my dad's last word right before he passed to Heaven was, "Hallelujah!" The last week or so of his life his cancer had spread to his brain, he had gone blind, and he was not speaking. However, his wife still played worship music for him and right in the middle of one of the songs (I don't know which one), he suddenly called out, "Hallelujah!" and was gone to glory shortly after.

As the late singer Howard Goodman once said (this is paraphrasing), it is very difficult to say good-bye to those we love, however, don't think of them as being in our past, but in our future because we will see them again. Hallelujah indeed!

Hallelujah! (2022)
I had another dream,
Where we were having a casual chat,
So much like we used to do,
When you suddenly announced you must go,
You could not stay any longer;
As you swiftly began your exit,
I raced after you trying to keep up,
Pleading, “Don’t go yet, Dad,
There’s so much more I want to say!”
But you did not reply,
And you were gone.

I awoke enveloped in a heavy cloak of sadness,
Missing you with such an ache;
Hopes and fears in my heart I want to share,
Yet these conversations we will never have;
In spite of my grief,
I could not cry,
Instead, I began to pray.

So many words came back to me then,
Our last conversation
When you could scarcely speak,
And I said, “It’s okay, Daddy,
Just know I love you very much.”
I remembered how often you told me you loved me,
And how much you loved my husband,
And you prayed for us daily.

I remembered that your wife shared with me
Your very last word,
When you were surrounded by those you loved,
She played praise music for you;
Although you had not spoken for a while,
Before you left, you clearly said,
“Hallelujah!"

Just one word,
One word that soothes my soul;
One word to let me know
You were ready to go;
One word to give me peace;
You are in perfection now,
Walking down streets of gold,
Embraced in pure love from God;
One word to bring comfort,
Reminding me I will see you again.

Though I still have much more to say,
I must let you rush ahead,
To a place where you are safe and free,
In the holy presence of Jesus,
Where your pain is gone,
And you can rest and find joy;
Hallelujah, indeed!

(1 John 1:3) Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God.

This poem is based off a real experience of feeling devastated after my doctor told me the pain and weakness in my body will never improve and will probably only get worse.  He was very blunt in telling me treatments would not help and the best I could hope for was to try to manage my symptoms as best as possible.  You can see my reaction by reading the poem.  

What is also true is that I had requested my Echo speaker to play music by The Gaither Vocal Band right before the doctor had called me.  I had walked out of the room to take the call (I often request phone appointments to receive medical results, so I don't have to waste gas going back to the doctor's office), and when I went back into the bedroom, the music was still playing.   It had already been a physically difficult day, and now my head was reeling after the conversation.  I was trying to simply change my sheets, but my body was rebelling, so I literally laid on the floor crying as pain was making it difficult to move.  The songs sung by one of my favorite bands truly washed over me in such a wave of God's comfort and love that by the fourth or fifth song, I was feeling emotionally, mentally, and spiritually strong in the power of Jesus!  

Yes, the Word of God should be our number one source of Biblical encouragement, but God also truly uses Godly men and women to write, sing, and play instruments that can minister to a hurting soul.  I am very grateful for such writers and musicians!

No Cure? (2025)
Perhaps not the worst words one can hear,
But certainly ones that elicit fear,
“There is no cure for you,
Treatments won’t help much,
And you will only get worse.”

Panic.
Hopelessness.
Self-pity.
Tears.

As I lay on the floor,
In too much pain to move,
And too distressed to breathe,
My heart cries for a song,
More than my broken body needs,
My soul craves healing.

I let the music play,
Surrounded by songs I love,
Resounding in a not-so-random order,
As if God planned this play list just for me,
To remind me of all that Jesus is.

Pain taker.
Mountain mover.
Path straightener.
Joy giver.

The songs continue to bless me,
To strengthen me,
To remember that some mountains are necessary,
And that God is always with me;
May I never forget I am a child of the King!

No cure for this mortal body,
But Jesus is the remedy for my immortal soul,
His blood has healed my sin-sick spirit,
His medicine I want to take daily,
To stay clean, joyful, and whole.

Peaceful.
Forgiven.
Loved.
Royalty.

His love has cured my despair,
His mercy has inspired my actions,
I desire only to live for Him,
And though I may be crooked in body,
I can forever soar in my soul!

(Psalm 45:1 AMP) My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my psalm to the King. My tongue is like the pen of a skillful writer.

Why write a poem? (2025)
Certain things are too difficult to pen,
So why write a poem?
Why open a wound I try so hard to keep sealed?
Because scotch tape does not cure a broken heart;
After a while it loosens
And the pain seeps back out.

So why write a poem?
Will it create a permanent healing?
Will it change the past?
Can it bring back those lost,
Or fill an empty womb?

No, poetry is not a cure,
It is a process to increase my faith,
Writing words I cannot say aloud
Is a way to express,
A way to cry,
A way to scream
Without uttering a sound.

It is a way to say to God,
“I don’t understand,
But I love You anyway.”
He knows what my heart says
In between the beats,
So why write a poem?

Because God wants to hear me,
Even when I cannot fully verbalize my heart,
He knows the way I process emotion,
He knows paper and ink are the path to closure,
He knows how to heal what I cannot.

Therefore, I will praise,
I will trust,
I will tell God I love Him,
I will see beyond this life,
I will find joy and peace,
And I will write a poem.

(Psalm 56:8) Thou tellest my misery: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

This last poem is so very personal I almost didn't share it. The pain of never having children is something I have struggled with and know many of you can relate. I very clearly felt God tell me about a year ago that I needed to grieve this loss if I was ever to heal from it. Since God is never wrong, I knew He was right, but I wasn't really sure how or if I wanted to deal with this grief. Finally, a few months ago, I wrote this poem. If you struggle with this same pain, know you are not alone. I understand and God will hold you when you cry.

Things I Will Never Know (2025)
I will never know
The joy of a positive pregnancy test,
Never experience morning sickness,
Never thrill at a baby’s kick inside my belly;
WIll not keep track of the weeks and months
Until my baby is born.

I will never know
What is is like to feel that newborn in my arms,
And weep with joy as I become a mother
What it is like to see a tiny face
That is a beautiful blend of my husband and me,
To see dimples so like his father’s,
Or eyes just like mine;
To call him the name lovingly chosen.

I will never know
What is is like to hold that little boy in my lap,
Reading him bedtime stories,
Praying with him and teaching him
All about God’s love;
Will not hear him call me Mommy,
Or Mel called Daddy.

I will never know
How it feels to watch him grow,
To hear him giggle in delight,
As we take silly family selfies;
Will never see my child snuggle with a fluffy pet,
Or watch him grow up so fast I want time to slow down;
Will never see him delight in the love of God,
As he becomes more like Jesus every day.

No, this barren body will never carry a baby,
These empty arms will never snuggle with my child.

Yet I will always know
What it feels like to bask in the love of God,
To have my Heavenly Father hold me close,
To not know why He chose this path for me,
But to know Jesus calls me His own,
To feel His nail-scarred hands wipe away my tears,
To know He fills my empty heart,
And to know that His love will always be enough for me.

My Testimony, Part 6: 2022-Present

 

My Testimony, Part 6: 2022-Present

The meme I am including in this blog is an obvious spoiler of what I am going to write about next.

In March 2023 I was experiencing similar symptoms to what I had gone through in 2019 when it was discovered I had a tumor in my right ovary (see part 4 of My Testimony).  The big difference in 2023 was that I had been in menopause for approximately two years and should not have been bleeding at all.  The bleeding was so severe, I almost bled to death as my skin turned gray and I became very weak and dizzy.  

In the ER they performed an ultrasound and released me with a diagnosis of an uneven lining in my uterus. It was not until I went online to see my medical report that I read, "highly suspect endometrial adenocarcinoma."  I think we all know that means cancer.  I was shocked and also angry that no one in the ER told me what had been discovered.  

I had been referred to a gynecologist for the uneven lining, but by the time I finally got the appointment, I already knew part of what the report had stated.  What I did not know was that I had two tumors in my abdomen; the other was on my remaining left ovary.  

I remembered that when I had the first tumor in 2019 that the doctor told me she was sure it was not cancer and not to worry.  Yet the doctor in 2023 said, "Let's see what the biopsy says," and he would not remove the endometrial tumor until the report from the ovarian tumor came back.  Those were 2 huge red flags to me, and I was quite worried.

My husband had been dealing with his own medical issues of severe sciatic pain at the time and had not been able to come with me to the ER or the follow-up.  Therefore, and I absolutely do not recommend doing so, I never told him there was a suspicion of cancer as I did not what to stress him out.  I downplayed it all to spare him the trauma.  Therefore, I went through all the emotional struggles alone.  Well, no, NEVER alone, God became my rock more than ever before.

On April 27, 2o23 I had the same surgery as in 2019, but now on the left side.  Tumor, left ovary, and fallopian tube were all removed, as well as a sample taken from the second tumor.

It wasn't until I was in the recovery room after the surgery that my husband now knew that cancer was likely.  The very excellent surgeon told my husband what was going on (not knowing Mel had not been in the loop at this point) by saying he was almost certain what he saw was cancer.  I feel pretty bad now that my precious husband found out that way and not from me.  I know he was in shock.  I have since repented to both my husband and to God for having kept such an important secret.

Several days later I again discovered my diagnosis by reading it online.  Confirmed before me in black and white what that I indeed had a cancerous tumor in my uterus.  This time I told Mel.  We cried, hugged, and most importantly, we prayed. I didn't know until I saw the oncologist that would perform the next surgery, that the ovarian tumor was also cancerous as the on-line report had not mentioned it. I had two cancerous tumors at once?  Yet another emotional knockout blow.     

On June 7, 2023, I had a complete abdominal hysterectomy, lymph node dissection, and had my omentum removed (layer of tissue that covers abdominal organs).  I spent 5 days in the hospital.  I should have been there 2-5 days longer, but I was impatient to go home, so I talked them into releasing me earlier.  Not a good idea; I should have stayed the full week to 10 days, as the pain was very intense and I refused to take any addictive narcotics once I was released from the hospital (even in the hospital I insisted on the mildest form of narcotic they could give).  It was a very long recovery process both physically and mentally.

If you have ever read or been verbally given a cancer diagnosis, then you know how I felt.  If not, I do not think I can really describe what that does to your emotions, and truly still does today as I still have nightmares about my cancer returning (even last night).  Especially considering I lost my dear dad to cancer in 2022.  Oh, how I wished he had been there to talk to during my struggles, but I praise God He is free and whole with Jesus now.   

Just as I had in 2019 while I waited to see if my first tumor had been cancer or not, I had determined that no matter the outcome, God was in control, and he would take care of me and my husband.  In 2023, I had even more fear than I had before since I now knew this was indeed cancer and I was only waiting to know what stage it was and whether or I would have to endure chemotherapy.  But overall, I was at peace.   

I also praise God the tumors were diagnosed as synchronous ovarian and endometrial cancers, which means they were supposedly independent of each other, and both were considered to be stage 1A.  I should see this as a miracle that this rarity was my case, yet I do often worry this was a misdiagnosis as only 2 to 17% of multiple cancers are synchronous.  Whenever I stress about this, I first realize I cannot exactly go backwards and insist on another test or that I now go through chemo, and then God reminds me to trust Him and just praise Him that I am currently doing okay.  Whether I will ever have a recurrence or a secondary cancer only God knows, and I will continue to praise Him no matter what my future holds.     

I also often wonder why me.  But not why did I have cancer as I do not expect to be exempt from the pains of this life. No, I wonder why I was spared a higher stage of cancer.  My dad suffered through chemo and horrible symptoms at the end of his life.  Others I know have had chemo and/or radiation as well as many I do not know.  So why was I spared?  God asks me, "Why ask why?"  Just praise Him and continue being a faithful servant to my Savior in good times and bad.  By God's grace, that is exactly what I will do.  

Let me pause and take a deep breath.  Okay, now moving forward past the cancer.

Back to the previous blog (part 5), where I wrote about my non-diagnosis of neurological symptoms.  I have not improved and have pursued a second opinion from two different neurologists.  

Since moving to Washington state in 2019, I have been seen by some wonderful providers that have been kind and genuinely cared about what I was going through.  The best of the best were from the oncology staff working for Providence Cancer Systems.  However, I have also faced the exact opposite side of the coin in dealing with some of the rudest and coldest medical personnel that have tested the Fruits of the Spirit in me, and, sorry to say, I did not always pass those tests.  Counting the first doctor mentioned in part 5, the three neurologists I have seen, have been so outrageously callous that it has only been by the power of the Holy Spirit that I have been able to forgive them. I will not waste your time or mine writing about how awful they were, only to say I still do not have any more answers to why I have lesions in my brain, or why I experience so many other symptoms that make day to day life difficult.

My primary care doctor, however, did order x-rays earlier this year and I was diagnosed by a radiologist as having severe spinal facet joint diseases and lumbar scoliosis.  While I appreciate a partial diagnosis, they do not explain all of my symptoms.  I have not seen any more specialists and instead I have been told by both the kind and not so kind doctors that they do not fully know what is wrong with me and/or there is nothing they can do to help me as no treatments will make a real difference.  The best I can hope for is to manage my pain. 

Frustrating? Yes! Discouraging?  Absolutely!  But will I lose my faith over it?  Never! My struggles are physical, but not spiritual.  Like Job, I will trust God no matter what.  I know God is loving, kind, and good, and the medical issues I face are the results of a fallen world.  Someday I will be made whole and free in Heaven, and all these struggles will be forgotten.  As the song says, "But until then my heart will go on singing / Until then with joy let's carry on / Until the day my eyes behold that City / Until the day God calls me home." (Songwriter: Stuart Hamblen) (You can see my favorite singer, Vestal Goodman, singing that song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7KN6kqsPzE&list=RDR7KN6kqsPzE&start_radio=1 )

 (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

As I am preparing to post this last part of my testimony today in 2026 (which also happens to be my 54th birthday, I have a quick paragraph to add.  For the past 4 months or so, I have been having increased pain and weakness in my right arm.  My primary doctor does not know what is causing this and, due to a lot of unexplained swelling, she sent me to the ER with the concern of a blood clot or trapped nerve.  The doctor there did not take either her or me seriously and only performed an x-ray and sent me home.  My doctor (who was pretty upset with the ER doc) has since ordered a referral for a doppler ultrasound to check the condition of the veins and blood flow in my arm, as well as, guess what, another electromyography/ nerve conduction study test. If you read part 5, you know how much I hate having one of those tests, yet I must endure another one on Oct. 6 (still waiting for the ultrasound to be scheduled). Based on my history with doctors and tests, I am not optimistic I will get a diagnosis on my arm, but I am choosing to trust God because He knows the future and He alone has to power to either heal me or give me the strength to endure!

The song I am choosing today has nothing to do with my medical dramas, but instead it best sums up my entire life.  No matter how much I hear this song, it makes me cry.  Jesus grows sweeter and more precious to me every day!  This song IS my testimony!  "The Longer I Serve Him" sung by one of my favorite groups, Greater Vision (this song also includes legendary bass singer, Ed O'Neal).  The song starts around 2 minutes into the video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W28llprTZRk&list=RDW28llprTZRk&start_radio=1