I originally wrote this blog a few years ago, but it has been coming back to my mind. With so many doctors giving up on the diagnostic process with me (and still not knowing exactly what has been causing my weakness and pain), combined with trying to find a job and not even getting called for interviews, my old rejection complex has been rearing its discouraging head. Humans mostly do not care about the details of my life, but God does, and He is all that matters. I pray this blog ministers to you as it has helped me again remember that God is in control, and I can find joy and strength in His love!
Okay, so maybe that only happened two or three times, but to an insecure teenager, once was enough. I always felt like I was nothing more than the friend, sister, or daughter of someone more vibrant and outgoing. The nameless one people could not place if I was apart from my friend or family member. And, oh how quickly my friends deserted me when someone more interesting came along. It has happened so frequently even into my adult years that I have learned to now think of all friendships as shallow and temporary. It truly is not a mystery why I have a rejection complex.
It is people just like me that have difficulty wrapping their brain around the fact that we are not invisible to the most powerful Being alive. God the Father, the Creator of all the worlds knows each of us by name!
John 10:3 says Jesus knows and "calls all His sheep by name." In fact, Matthew 10:30 tells us that even "the very hairs on your head are all numbered." Can we even fathom that statement? I cannot!
It may seem in a world where all sorts of horrific things happen all around me that God would not bother to take the time to listen to my seemingly insignificant prayers. My life does not seem so very important. But I Peter 3:12 tells us that "the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers." God is indeed listening, especially to those who are striving for right living.
In Revelation 8:3, John has a vision of the angels pouring out the prayers of the saints on a golden altar before the throne of God. Can you imagine? That is so beautiful! God is listening to us; we are not invisible to Him.
I realize that in a world full of chaos, it can be hard to think of God as caring about your prayers when He sometimes seems silent. Even before the time of Adam and Eve, God gave His creations a free will. It is man's rebellious spirit that has caused the tragedies and curses on this earth. It is man's blatant defiance at a holy God screaming they do not want Him in their lives that will ultimately bring about this world's end. Righteous and unrighteous alike suffer because we are all caught in the crossfire of sin.
That does not mean, however, that God is ignoring you. Unlike the world around you, God is not picking and choosing who He finds the most entertaining. He is not going to overlook you because the man or woman next door has a more dramatic need. He cares about your needs too! Whether I am praying for healing for my husband, praying for my own healing, or praying for a loved one, God cares about each need, and He is listening. He will answer according to His perfect will, not according to mine. Isiah 55:9 reminds us, "as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." In other words, we must rely on faith to believe God knows what is best for us, even when we think He is silent. Just because His plan does not match our own it does not mean our needs are invisible to Him. He sees the big picture when we cannot.
Keep in mind, that being visible to God also means that He is always very aware of all we do, good and bad. You will be judged according to your works (Matthew 16:27 & Revelation 20:12). He sees you looking at pornography, He sees every movie and television show you see, He sees you dancing to worldly music, He sees you getting drunk and using drugs, He sees you cheat, steal, lie, gossip, and call someone a bad name. Not being able to hide from God is a very good thing, but it also means you will always be accountable for all your actions.
For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. II Chronicles 16:9
The truth is, I am still very much insignificant and invisible to most around me except my husband. Unless I am forcing someone to pay attention, I am ignored. I am not saying this in a self-deprecating way, but just stating this as a matter of fact to prove a point. I do not have to shout to get God's attention, give Him a gift, or make some flattering statement about Him on Facebook to get Him to acknowledge me. God cares about me right where I sit and where I stand, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Isaiah 37:28 is a rebuke against a rebellious people, but the words ring true even when our hearts are right with God, so I will just quote part of the verse (you can look it up in its entirety on your own). It says, "I know thy abode, and thy going out, and thy coming in..." In other words, God is always aware of us and our circumstances.
I pray I am conveying all that God had laid on my heart today. I often feel what is burning inside my heart and soul cannot be accurately conveyed by my weak words. My main point today is that God loves you! You are not invisible to Him. He has known you since before you were born and He cares about you even when life seems contrary to that statement. Things rarely make sense in this world, but when we get to Heaven and see Jesus face to face, we will know and understand beyond any shadow of any doubt that we have never been insignificant or invisible to the almighty God (see I Corinthians 13:12).
I will leave you with words from Psalm 139. Let these scriptures be your comfort.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:1-18;23-24
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