Advice on how to Reach a Hurting Friend

 

I am working 40+ hours a week at my new job and I no longer have much time to write.  I especially miss working on the two new novels I started before I started work, but I will get back to them some day.   I am pleased, however, to share my dear hubby’s wonderful blogs on this site as well.

 

I started to write a blog last week that I might finish when I have a few more spare minutes, but this subject is more on my heart today.

 

A woman named Barbara (not her real name) started in the office around a week after I did.  I almost immediately felt a kinship with her in part to her friendly nature, in part to our prior law enforcement backgrounds, but mostly because she is a fellow believer.  Barbara & I are both shy in nature and private people; we do not like to share personal information to those who are practically strangers.  Yet, one morning when we had a spare minute or two between tasks, she confided in me that she struggles with issues of faith.  She feels as if her mind is a battlefield between Christ and Satan and she is painfully struggling not only to win the spiritual war, but also to understand why this is happening.  My heart went out to her and I  told her I fully believed she was indeed involved in spiritual warfare and quoted to her Ephesians 6:12, For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.  I also told her that we have a God that intercedes on our behalf and reminded her of Luke 22:31-32, And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat.
 But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren."

 

Barbara also told me that the only time she ever heard the name of God or Jesus growing up, it was as a swear word.  I have no idea how long she has been a believer or any other personal details as she usually keeps up a pretty big wall.  I have done my best to encourage her and I have been praying for her several times a day, but she still seems depressed.  I know part of her discouragement has to do with the fact that she is struggling to learn her new job and she feels even worse when the bosses assign me the computer work and have her doing the more menial tasks.  Again, I try to encourage her, but the better I get at the job and the more recognition I get from the bosses, the harder it is to break through to her and try to witness to her troubled mind.  I gave her a card yesterday in an attempt to further assure her of my desire to be her friend.  I let her know I was praying for her and wrote some verses in the card including Philippians 4:6-7, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  She accepted the card with tears and thanks and said life was hard right now, but then the wall came back up, and she said no more.

 

How does one handle it when trying so hard to encourage one who refuses to be comforted?  I feel as if I am failing the Lord because I cannot seem to help Barbara.  What can I say or do that will get through?  Am I praying the right prayers?  Should I spend a day fasting and praying for her and try harder to intercede on her behalf?  Does there come a time when we draw the line and say we have done all we can and do no more?  Do I simply give up on being her friend?  She has rejected my offers to go on a double date with her husband, Mel, and me (she said it sounded nice but never called after I gave her my phone number).  Right now, she seems resentful with me for the positive attention I am getting at work, but I cannot do a poor job just because she is struggling to learn the job.  Can I?

 

I know you have probably been in this same situation at one time or another: trying to reach someone who feels unreachable.  Here is my advice on how to reach a hurting friend.  This is very much for me as well as anyone reading this. 

 

First and foremost, place your friend in God’s very capable hands.  Trust that He did not bring this person into your life on accident.  Even when you believe you are failing, cling to I Corinthians 15:58, Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.  Sometimes it is our job to plant the seed, sometimes it is to water it, and others we are to help reap the harvest.  We very well may not be able to see all our efforts played out.  Just because we do not see a change, that does not mean the person to whom we are ministering is unaffected.  God promises in Isaiah 55:11, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.  Which also means that once someone hears the Truths of God (whatever level of faith they may have), God’s words will sink in.  If that person chooses to reject it, it is not God’s fault, but the stubbornness of the person’s hardened heart.  Also consider Luke 21:33, Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.

 

Next, remember, it is NOT about you!  Get over your ego and do not take rejection personally.  When Galatians 6:2 instructs us to Bear one another's burdens, that means we are to try to understand what the other person is going through.  We are to Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Be of the same mind toward one another. (Romans 12:15-16)  We are not to say, “I’d weep with you, but I’m too happy right now.”  Nor, do we need to wallow in depression with them.  Focus in their needs and show both sympathy ad empathy and let him/her know we are there to laugh, cry, and especially to pray with and for them.  Do not assume you know why your friend is depressed, distant, or broken, but ask for Godly guidance on how to help. You might be able to figure out the person is suffering from physical or mental illness, in  a bad marriage, or any number of things that will take the focus off your own need to feel accepted and simply be there when you are needed.  Do not be pushy and let him/her come to you when they are ready.     

 

Do not give up.  Think on Colossians 1:9, We… do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;
that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.  Notice the words, “do not cease”?  Even if you lose the friendship because the person pushes you away, keep praying and trusting God.

 

Remember, that quite often people will not see a breakthrough because they very well may be surrounding themselves with bondages that hold them back.  Movies, television, alcohol, ungodly music, witchcraft, etc. will always hold a person back from receiving God’s blessings.  Until your friend is ready to let go of his/her bondages, it will be next to impossible to find spiritual healing.  But again, keep praying, and add to your prayers that the Lord will open the eyes of your friend wide to whatever it is that may be blocking the breakthrough he/she needs.  If there comes an opportunity to offer gentle advice on such matters, please give Godly counsel, but do not be judgmental or give unwanted advice that will further turn them away from the things of the Lord. 

 

I do not like to sound like a know-it-all, and I make it clear it  am not dolling out my wisdom but the Lord’s.  Therefore, my last bit of advice is to quote scripture as much as you can.  If you do not know the exact reference, look it up or encourage your friend to look it up as a way to get him/her into the Bible.

 

There are hundreds (probably thousands) of good verses you can give, but here is just one more that may help your friend (beside the above ones I quoted): Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil.
It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones.  Proverbs 3:5-8

What Does Repentance Mean? Written by my Husband

 

What Does Repentance Mean? (Written by Mel)

 

(Acts 2:38) Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 For the promise is to you and to your children, and to all who are afar off, as many as the Lord our God will call." 40 And with many other words he testified and exhorted them, saying, "Be saved from this perverse generation." 41 Then those who gladly received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were added to them.

 

Many churches today avoid the topic of repentance because they don’t want to offend their tithers. Some also teach that repentance is only necessary one time, when you ask the Lord into your heart. This greasy grace message will give you a fatal heart attack if you accept it. The Lord has spoken to me countless times that most churches are in a state of apostasy, and they are responsible for shutting people out of the Kingdom of Heaven. The apostle Peter exhorted people to be saved from this perverse generation (Acts 2:38-41). Peter told them to Repent, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins.

 

Saying a prayer, or water baptism alone, will not save your soul. The sinner’s prayer is great if it is prayed with sincerity. You must make Jesus Christ the Lord of every area of your life to be truly saved. This means that you must be born again by turning from your sinful ways, and becoming a new creation in Christ. The Lord showed me that a person should repent of their sins on a daily basis. However, this does not mean that we may willfully sin, then repent, and commit that sin again the next day. True repentance of a sin, is to have heartfelt remorse for that sin, as well as to stop committing the offense. If you are bound to substance abuse, you must stop drinking, smoking, or using drugs, to be truly forgiven and set free. If you are bound by pornography, lying, or stealing, you must stop the sin, and seek the Lord with heartfelt repentance to be forgiven, and set free. Grace is not automatic, grace follows repentance.

 

When a new believer comes to Christ, the Lord will give them grace to grow in their new faith. A new believer will take baby steps at first, and will only be able to handle milk. However, in time, God expects us to grow in our faith, and to produce good fruit and works. We should all grow in Christ, as well as consume the strong meat of God’s Word. Christ said, that any tree that does not produce good fruit, will be cut down, and thrown into the fire. Christ also said, that some will produce 30,60, and 100 fold fruit, but we must produce good fruit to be saved.

 

The works of the flesh will send you to hell. (Gal 5:19-23) lists the works of the flesh, as well as the good fruits of God’s Spirit which will lead to eternal life. In (Gal 5:21) Paul states that those who commit these sins will not inherit the kingdom of God. Christ died upon the cross to provide atonement for sins committed in ignorance, as well as for sins that are truly repented of.

 

 No one is perfect, but through the indwelling presence of God’s Holy Spirit, we have the power to live an overcoming life. We must be sanctified (set apart and purified by God’s Spirit) to be saved. If you willfully commit the same sins as the world, and people cannot tell the difference between you and the unsaved, then you are not truly born again. The word saint is translated set apart, or sanctified one. Are you a saint, or is your lifestyle a compromise of the faith that you claim?

 

Galatians 5: 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

 

To the church at Ephesus Christ said, (Rev 2:4) Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place--unless you repent.

 

Like many Christians today, the Ephesians were beginning to compromise with the world and were considered unfaithful to Christ. Christ said, that if you love him you will keep his commandments. When Christians take on the attributes of the sinful culture, they are committing spiritual adultery; unless they repent, they will be lost. Christ said that unless the Ephesians repented, he would remove their lampstand from its place before the throne of God. This passage alone makes it clear that Christians can fall from grace, because of un-repented sinful compromise. That is why it is important that we examine ourselves daily and repent of willful sins.

 

 Christ told the Ephesians, not only to repent, but also to do the first works. The first works is a reference to being born again. When we first come to Christ, we die to our old nature and become a new creation through heartfelt repentance. Unless a believer has a transformed life, they are not truly born again. This passage indicates that when we backslide, we are in need of another born again experience. (Rev 2:7) Christ said, “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God." This verse is clear that the overcomers will inherit the Kingdom of God. An overcomer is one who endures unto the end and crosses the finish line. You must keep the faith, as well as live a sanctified life until the day you die, to enter God’s paradise. Please also consider the verses listed below.

 

(Acts 3:19) Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord,

 

(Rev 3:1) "And to the angel of the church in Sardis write, 'These things says He who has the seven Spirits of God and the seven stars: "I know your works, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. 2 Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die, for I have not found your works perfect before God. 3 Remember therefore how you have received and heard; hold fast and repent. Therefore if you will not watch, I will come upon you as a thief, and you will not know what hour I will come upon you. 4 You have a few names even in Sardis who have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with Me in white, for they are worthy. 5 He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments, and I will not blot out his name from the Book of Life; but I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels. 6 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." '

 

(Rev 2:4) Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place--unless you repent.

 

(Rev 3:14) "And to the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write, 'These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: 15 I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. 16 So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. 17 Because you say, 'I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing'--and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked-- 18 I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.

 

(Luke 13:1) There were present at that season some who told Him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices.

2 And Jesus answered and said to them, "Do you suppose that these Galileans were worse sinners than all other Galileans, because they suffered such things?

3 I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish.

4 Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them, do you think that they were worse sinners than all other men who dwelt in Jerusalem?

5 I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish."

 

Do you trust in the Good Shepherd? Written by my Husband

 

Do you trust in the Good Shepherd? (Written by Mel)

 

(Psalms 28:7) The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. 8 The Lord is their strength, And He is the saving refuge of His anointed. 9 Save Your people, and bless Your inheritance; Shepherd them also, And bear them up forever.

 

We live in a very stressful world and many people feel a since of hopelessness. There are many hardships in life and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. However, the Good Shepherd has promised to lead us through green pastures, beside the still waters. Do you trust the Lord Jesus Christ with your path in life? If you have truly made Jesus the Lord of your life, you may rest in his care, in the midst of the storms of life. If Christ is the captain of your ship, you will make it safely to the other side. Peace and joy are among the fruits of the Spirt that God has promised those who are sanctified (set apart from the sinful world). You must be truly born again to know the peace of God. To know God, is to love one another, as well as to pursue holiness.  

 

(Philippians 4:7) and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.

 

If you have a relationship with Christ, God’s peace will guard your hearts and minds. (Phil 4:7) tells us to meditate on praiseworthy things. If we keep our minds focused on Godly things, we will keep the enemy at bay. Fear and anxiety are the opposite of faith, and they will empower the enemy in our lives. If you have faith that God has good plans for your life, and you put your trust in him, you will have peace and joy. When we go through the many fiery trials of this life, we must walk by faith, and not by sight. Stand on God’s Word, and know that He is faithful to keep His promises.

 

 When Christ ascended into Heaven, he sent us the comforter, God’s Holy Spirit, to lead us and keep us. It is God’s desire that we allow the fruits and gifts of His Spirit to operate in our lives, so that we may overcome this world. To stand firm in Christ in the midst of spiritual Sodom and Gomorrah, we must have the power of God’s Spirit at work in our lives. The comforter is the Spirit of God who dwells with us, as well as in us. If we are the temple of the Holy Spirit, then why should we fear men, demons, or the trials of life? God Almighty, is stronger and greater than Satan, or our fears. Trust God, and walk in the fullness of life that He desires for you!

 

(John 10:11) I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. 12 But a hireling, he who is not the shepherd, one who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf catches the sheep and scatters them. 13 The hireling flees because he is a hireling and does not care about the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own.