The Truth About Affairs
Of all the blogs I have written over the past 12 years or so, this is my most viewed post.
Originally written in 2013 (with a few new edits).
I ran into an old friend last week. We had always suspected a certain man and woman were having an affair but weren't positive. She told me she had recently caught the two of them together in a near-kiss. She said things between them were so out of hand that even clients were making comments. I asked her if he was still married, and she said he was. This affair has been going for a minimum of 2 years (probably closer to 3). I have felt disturbed in my soul ever since. It was pretty obvious several years ago that these two people were getting close to an affair. They flirted constantly and were less and less subtle about sharing sexual innuendos back and forth.
Exodus 20:14 states, “You shall not commit adultery." Could it be any clearer?
My post is not about anyone specific, but to show how flirting is rarely harmless and often leads to much more dangerous territory. So please be aware of how you act around the opposite sex. Are you simply friendly or are you outright flirting? Ask others if you are unsure. The dictionary definition of flirting is: "to act amorously; play at love; to trifle or toy, as with an idea." Something to consider. Says right there that it's toying with an idea, such as toying with the idea of an affair.
You may say you are just having fun and not plotting an affair, but why are you even flirting if you are married? Just for the attention? Isn't that vanity?
Affairs aren't always planned; they happen over time as affections grow and are not quashed. It is when one refuses to repent to God for their thoughts and ask the Holy Spirit to help them be loyal to only their spouse.
In the seven things listed that God hates, one of them is: "An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations" (Proverbs 6:18) Notice that one does not even have to carry out wicked plans but just dreaming them up is an abomination to God. The Lord knows all your thoughts and if you are considering cheating, you will be held accountable for your thoughts. Yes, fantasizing is cheating. Matthew 5:28 says we commit adultery just by thinking about having sex with someone not our spouse. Proverbs 23:7 says that we are what we think. The Bible also says that whatever we sow in our hearts we will reap in our actions. Remember that song, "Be careful little mind what you think? For the Father up above is looking down in love." Well, sing that to yourself every time you are devising wicked thoughts. Repent, and change your thought process!
(For more on the seven abominations you can read my post here: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2025/07/proverbs-616-19-seven-abominations.html
There are a lot of verses in the book of Proverbs warning against affairs, here is just one passage (this can be applied to both men and women):
(Proverbs 6:24-29 & 32-33) To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adultress will hunt for the precious life.
(Proverbs 6:24-29 & 32-33) To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adultress will hunt for the precious life.
Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?
So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent. Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.
In spite of what Hollywood and ungodly novels teach society, affairs are NOT glamorous, sexy, exciting, fun, funny, or romantic. They are raunchy, soul-destroying, family-ruining, nasty, evil things.
I have known too many people who have had affairs, and I have heard far too many excuses. The most common are: mid-life crisis, I was hurt as a child, he/she cheated on me first, he/she is too controlling, I have a deeper desire for sex than he/she does, I no longer desire him/her, I want to teach him/her a lesson, men in the bible were allowed to have more than one wife, it makes me feel sexy, or just because I want to. There is no such thing as a good excuse because there is never any good reason to have an affair. All of these issues are fixable if you are willing to do the work. There is no shame in seeking professional help. And if you truly love your spouse, you'll risk the awkwardness of talking to your spouse, a spiritual mentor, and/or psychologist in order to save your marriage before an affair happens. Afterwards it may be too late.
If you truly love your spouse as I so crazily love mine, you will never even dream of cheating. The idea would make you want to vomit. Which is why the conversation I had last week has been bothering me so much. Affairs make me sick! Bottom line to me is that if you are willing to cheat, you don't truly love your spouse. In my opinion, those who cheat are clearly showing they are not in love with their mate. But that is still no excuse to dishonor your wedding vows. After all, you chose to get married.
Keep this in mid too: if you choose to be the one cheating with a married person, he does not love you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if the person leaves their spouse for you, statistics say they will not be faithful to you either. If he's willing to trade his wife in for a younger model, he'll most likely trade you in as well.
As stated above, affairs are not only physical, but they can also be mental and emotional. They may not seem as dangerous but have great potential to lead down darker paths. Chatting too much with someone other than your spouse online or through texts is still cheating. I feel this needs repeating: affairs happen in the mind as well.
(Matthew 5:28) [Jesus said), "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Affairs ruin more than marriages, they destroy families. I've it seen over and over again: a once bright and sunny child becomes sullen and possibly even a troublemaker after such an event. It makes them see everyone around them as untrustworthy. Children are affected no matter what age they are when they learn of a parent's infidelity. I've known adults whose parents got divorced due to an affair (or two), and it deeply wounded them to their very souls.
If you are in the middle of an affair, stop! Seek help immediately. You may or may not be able to save your marriage, but if you repent, you will save your soul.
Whether you are married or single, if you are ever tempted to have an affair, please remember this: what Corinthians 10:13 says, " No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."
The Holy Spirit will always give you the strength to walk away if you obey His voice. There is always a way out and the opportunity to say no and walk away. There are no excuses. Period.
If you are seeking more martial advice, please check out my other blog, "The ABCs of a Joyful Marriage: https://abcsofajoyfulmarriage.blogspot.com/
Here are some 3 writings from that blog site related to affairs:
Expectations & Eye Candy: https://abcsofajoyfulmarriage.blogspot.com/2025/03/week-10-expectations-eye-candy.html
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