The Slow Backslide
Last night, after watching a Gaither Homecoming playlist, one of my favorite songs sung by Russ Taff kept coming back to my mind. The song was "More Than Ever," written by Bill & Gloria Gaither and Woody Wright. I have always loved that song as it seems like it was written about me (lyrics posted at the end of this writing and you can watch that song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79KwExkr76s&list=RD79KwExkr76s&start_radio=1
As a child, I had such a close walk with Jesus and wanted so much to please my Lord. I thought about how I was so conscientious as a young girl to obey the Bible and I would feel true guilt when I sinned. I also began to wonder when all that had changed.
I was never a rebellious child, I never drank, did drugs, or slept around (even though the majority of my friends did). My worst offense as a teenager was breaking curfew a few times during my senior year when I was 17. In spite of the fact that I wanted to fit in with my peers and was not a perfect kid by any means, I ultimately still wanted to honor my Christian beliefs by not straying away from the morals I grew up with.
Even as an adult, I still abstained from drugs, alcohol, and premarital sex, but somewhere along the way, grieving God was not oh so important. Although I cannot pinpoint an exact time frame, as I look back now, I can see that I had been slowly backsliding away from my close walk with Jesus.
There are so many things I can blame on my slowly callusing heart. The deep pains of circumstances or working massive hours combined with socially demanding friends that kept me away from Bible study and prayer. But those are excuses to try to justify my actions, and true repentance does not blame anyone or any circumstance for their choice to sin. We are all responsible for the choices we make and actions we take.
My choices became less and less about making sure I pleased God and more about pleasing my flesh - in my case I am referring to my entertainment choices. I chose the rockiest music to match my anger issues, and I was drawn to Fantasy movies/books and police/crime dramas full of the occult and violence respectively. Did my soul cry out a warning as the Holy Spirit convicted me? You bet! I felt a deep sense of conviction as I watched witches and wizards perform spells, read sex scenes in novels, and sang along with the Satanic beats in the music. But did I heed those warnings? Nope! I continued to watch, read, and listen to the ungodly things God hates. And I continued to feel oppressed, angry, bitter, and distant from God.
It wasn't until I was let go from a job that was downsizing the company in December 2011 (17 days before Christmas) that I began to finally get back into daily Bible study. I was inactive enough with my free time of unemployment that I could actually pay attention to the Lord calling me back to Him. I don't know how long it had been since I had read my Bible outside of church, but I began a daily commitment to Bible study and prayer. For perhaps the first time in my life I began really reading the words, not just rereading what I had heard or read for 39 years. The Holy Spirit opened up the Bible as never before to me, and I was able to see what the Bible truly said versus what other people had been saying. My heart was softening, and my soul was being renewed.
Then I met Mel in March 2012! I had given up on ever getting married, but I knew pretty quickly that he was the Godly man I had been waiting so many years for. 97 Days later, we were married! Together we delved deeper into God's word, were set free from all false religious beliefs from our pasts and learned to be Biblical Christians truly wanting to please God and not man. We eventually gave up all tv/movies and purged our home of a wide variety of books and music. We have embraced true salvation without legalism or greasy grace, but through Bible study and prayer, have learned to walk in the light, love, and True freedom in Jesus Christ! I can truly say "Now more than ever, I cherish the cross" and crave "sitting at His feet."
My point in this tale is that backsliding away from your walk with Jesus may not be something blatantly obvious like an affair, committing a crime, etc., but can happen a little bit at a time as you allow yourself to believe that the so-called harmless sins are no big deal. The more you harden your heart, the easier it becomes to turn a blind eye to nudity in a movie, dance to the beat of the "Christian" music that mock's the holiness of Christ rather than reveres Him, or shrugs off the witches casting real spells in your books and movies.
So please, listen to the Holy Spirit telling you to walk away from the things God hates. Do not ignore the sick feelings you get in your spirit when listening, reading, watching, or participating in ungodly activities. If you find yourself in a slow backslide, quickly reverse gears and come back to God today!
(Hebrews 4:7) Today if ye will hear His voice, harden not your hearts.
I know I have posted these links before, but here they are again on further writings on backsliding: https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2025/09/what-bribes-have-we-taken-to-crucify.html , https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2025/07/hosea-141-9-hope-for-backslider.html , & https://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2025/07/ezekiel-1823-33-when-righteous-turn.html
I would read in His word how He mothered the bird
And grieved when it felt off its nest
And I prayed I would not make Him sad
We would meet on the way in the cool of the day
What a pure sweet communion we had
More than ever, I sit at His feet
All the miles of my journey have proved my Lord true
And He is so precious to me
Through wild jagged places of life
Sometimes I've stumbled and fallen so hard
That the stones cut my soul like a knife
But the staff of my shepherd would reach out for me
And lift me to cool pastures green
With oil of the Spirit, anointing my wounds
Then I rest by the clear healing stream
More than ever, I sit at His feet
All the miles of my journey have proved my Lord true
And He is so precious to me
Do you find all this hard to believe?
Has the cruel world we live in so battered your heart
That the hurt child inside you can't grieve?
I can't say I blame, I've been where you are
But all I can say is, it's true
You're wanted, you're precious, you're the love of His heart
And the old rugged cross was for you!
More than ever, I sit at His feet
All the miles of my journey have proved my Lord true
And He is so precious to me
More than ever, I sit at His feet
All the miles of my journey have proved my Lord true
And He is so precious to me
Yes, He is so precious to me
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