Are you a living testimony of your faith? Written by my Husband

Are you a living testimony of your faith? Written by my Husband, Mel

The Lord occasionally reminds me that people are watching me and that I represent him. That is why it is so very important to maintain a good testimony. People watch those who claim to know Christ very carefully and they immediately recognize the hypocrites. When I was a young man, I worked as a maintenance engineer in a large office building, and I had a lot of responsibility. One day an attorney who was a tenant in the building, asked me to come into his office. He told me that he was aware that I was a Christian and that he had been carefully watching me for the last two years. He said that I was very honest, and worked very hard, and that I was a credit to my faith. This attorney was a very bitter man who lived alone, and was anti-social. The attorney then hired me to do some part time work for him. I became aware that people were watching me everywhere, even on my job, and that as an ambassador for Christ I must maintain a good work ethic, as well as honesty. I prayed for that attorney, and I hope that I was able to plant a seed in his life through my testimony.


I have met quite a few people who have been hurt by pastors, youth pastors, as well as other people in leadership positions due to hypocrisy. Many Christian leaders have been involved in sexual scandals, as well as living very lavish lifestyles from the flocks that they have fleeced. Hypocrisy, especially from Christian leadership has shipwrecked the faith of many, and this is Satan's plan. I often tell people to keep their eyes upon Jesus and not men, because men will disappoint you. The apostle Paul lived a life that truly glorified God and he told the churches to imitate him even as he imitated Christ. Paul chose to work as a tent maker so that he would not be a financial burden to those whom he ministered to. Paul lived a Christian life that was beyond reproach, and we should aspire to do the same. When God's Holy Spirit comes to live within us he begins the work of sanctification. Sanctification is the process of spiritual purification and if we will allow the Spirit to have his perfect work in our lives we will reflect the attributes of God. We are called to bear the good fruit of the Spirit and not the bad fruit of the sinful nature. If we reflect the love of Christ towards mankind we will lead people to the cross where they will find salvation.
 

In  III John 9-12 we read about a church leader named Diotrephes. Diotrephes was a malicious gossip and troublemaker, who opposed God's Apostles. He was so arrogant that he would put people out of the church who disagreed with him. John said to not imitate what is evil, but what is good, for he who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God. There are many church leaders today that are similar to Diotrephes, they oppose sound doctrine, and love the flattery of men, they try to silence God's true prophets and are consumed by the love of money. These evil men have not seen or known God, and we should not imitate them or their doctrines. John encourages the church to imitate a man named Demetrius because he has a good testimony from all and from the truth itself. This scriptural passage emphasis the importance of maintaining a good testimony. Are you a living testimony of your faith?

 
I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to have the preeminence among them, does not receive us. Therefore, if I come, I will call to mind his deeds which he does, prating against us with malicious words. And not content with that, he himself does not receive the brethren, and forbids those who wish to, putting them out of the church. Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God. Demetrius has a good testimony from all, and from the truth itself. And we also bear witness, and you know that our testimony is true.  III John:9-12  

Then Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down.  And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.  Revelation 2:10-11

Julie's Poetry, Part 3, 2005-2017

 

"Nevertheless God, that comforteth those that are cast down, comforted us." 2 Corinthians 7:6

Depression (2005) (Written for a friend.)

Depression

Has settled in; 

How can she

Tame such a Beast

That devours life's joy?

With teeth and claws

That scratch and bite, 

And a forked tongue

That whispers hate and deceit, 

And purrs sweet nothings

To make her believe

Its treacherous lies

Redemption

Has paid the price

To kill the Beast

And set her free; 

With nail-pierced hands

That comfort and heal, 

And eyes of peace

Full of hope and love

And words of truth

To bless with joy

And a pure heart

Full of mercy and grace

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, 'Here am I; send me.'" Isaiah 6:8

When Called (2006)

It is an honor to be called out,

To have God say you are ready,

To walk through the  battlefield

Equipped in the armor of His holy word;

To take a stand where others fall

And say, “Yes, Lord, use me.”

Not to whimper or cry,

But to shout because you are chosen;

To tremble in awe at such an assignment,

And pray for wisdom and strength;

To try to understand,

And believe God’s will even things seem impossible;

To say, “Yes, Lord, teach me.”

To feel His blessing grip a hold of you,

And kneel in His presence;

To not give up or give in,

But to push ahead through the muck

And when you reach the end,

To praise Him for surviving;

To say, “Yes, lord, heal me.”

And not become bitter;

To reflect on all He taught you;

To remember He chose you;

To feel your faith grow stronger,

And heart more open;

To do it all again,

And say, “Yes, Lord, use me.” 

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Why Me? (2006)

Losing precious animals,

Religious discrimination,

Financial woes,

And I wonder why me?

What have I done?

Am I being punished?

What sins have I not confessed?

In the midst of my pity party,

God asks me,

“Why would you want to be exempt?”

I should be ready to accept the challenges,

Be ready to grow in faith,

Grow in confidence of His love,

Grow in conviction

So when the storms come,

And I know they will,

I should again ask, why me?

Why am I so special?

To be chosen,

To be given the opportunity

To draw closer to heaven,

To know God more intimately,

And prove myself worthy

I may never know why me,

Why trials come my way,

Why I am asked to endure,

But I will do my best

To honor His decision,

And not make God regret His choice,

Shake His head and wonder,

“Why you?

“I should have chosen someone else.”

"That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45

When the Rain Falls (2006) 

If the rain falls

On the just and the unjust, 

Then why be just?

If life promises to fare no better

If you pledge your life to God, 

Then why do so?

If there seems to be no purpose

To anything at any time, 

Then why believe in a merciful God?

There are no simple answers

Only mystery piled upon mystery

There will be frustration

There will be answered questions, 

There will be heartache, 

And there will be joy

The Bible promises the weeping will cease, 

That all will work together for His good; 

Whether we understand it or not, 

Our change comes from believing, 

In knowing eternity will bring peace

The difference is in allowing yourself to feel...

Feel repentant,

Feel peace,

Feel God's love,

Feel humble,

Feel broken,

Feel healed

The rain will fall

On the just and the unjust,

So be just,

It will not make the sun come out,

But it will change how you handle the storm;

It will fill you with unfathomable strength,

And though you may not believe it now,

You will eventually find joy in the mourning 

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Julie's Christmas Carol (2010) 

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, 

Even if you heart is broken; 

When grief has pierced your soul

With pain so deep it can't be spoken

Remember the little town of Bethlehem, 

And the stable that held pure light; 

The Christ child that came to heal our wounds

Even on the darkest night

Away in a manger

Is not just about a baby in the hay, 

Jesus is alive forever, 

And washes sorrow away

Do you see what I see?

When all seems lost and day is night, 

It is yours to discover...

Miracles still happen when you seek His Light

"We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Reflection (2010) 

As I face the end of 2010, 

I do not look back with fondness; 

Truth be told, 

It has been a harsh year...

Two surgeries for my dog,

Death of another dog,

Death of three cats,

And injury to a fourth cat 

Facing trials against those I love

Has threatened to break me;

I am bent and twisted,

And not quite the same,

But not broken

I can cling to the Truth

That God loves me;

Right now it has to be enough 

To sustain a cracked heart -

One finding it difficult to maintain a rhythm

Not interrupted by loss and fear

I must press on toward God's Light,

And not cast an interfering shadow

Or shrink into the darkness

Though there is comfort 

In a clenched fist and stubborn will,

I must let go and be free

Of burdens weighing heavy on my chest

Though I do not quite know how to do so

As I face the beginning of 2011,

I am not certain how to look forward

Without closing my eyes

Or straining my neck looking behind;

But I will push ahead

With Hope at my side

And perhaps even peace in my heart

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Mel (2012) (A Triptych Poem, Written for my husband)

his past his loss his sorrow

his parents his brother his wife

his pain his grief his anguish

his faith his doubt his confliction

his belief his God his healing

his calling his vision his dream

his obedience  his decision his conviction

his loss his grief his heartache

his exodus his loneliness his sorrow

his friend his comfort his healing

his outreach his faith his resilience

his dream his belief his determination

his acceptance his love his openness

his healing his hope  his faith

his love his wife his future

"The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him." Nahum 1:7

Let the Strongholds Fall (2017) (This one is set to music.)

Let the strongholds fall,

Let the storm be still,

Let the heavens call,

Lord, we’ll do Your will.

 

Let the trumpet sound,

Let the angels sing,

Let the enemy be bound,

Let Your fire rain.

 

Lord, we hear Your voice,

We will worship You,

And with all our hearts,

Let our praise be true.

 

Let Your Spirit come

Purify our hearts,

May our hands be clean

As we bow our knees.

 

Lord, we seek Your face,

Lord we humbly pray,

May You send us out,

Let us work Your fields

 

Let the strongholds fall,

Let the storm be still,

Let the heavens call,

Lord, we’ll do Your will.

 

Let the trumpet sound,

Let the angels sing,

Let the enemy be bound,

Let Your fire rain.

Julie's Poetry, Part 2, 1997-2003

 "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Galatians 6:9

The Point (1997)

I am not weary of doing good,

But of trying to change others,

The harder the effort I make,

The more I am snubbed and insulted,

Making it seem as if no one can be changed

I don’t know if anyone cares to hear the Truth,

To know life can be better,

All that matters is that I’m in their way to living guilt-free,

And being under conviction only makes them angrier,

And they show no sign of surrender

So what is the point?

If no one ever changes

I wonder if I should still try

Or give up and let them wallow in their immorality,

And not pray so hard

But I know I cannot cease to live a holy example,

I will not change to suit them,

I just wish I didn’t care so much,

Or that I knew the outcome,

To know if somehow, something I said or did got through

"And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not." John 1:5

John 1:5 (1997)

The darkness may not understand the Light,

But the Light desires to break through -

Piercing the heart of mockery;

Even if just a crack of Light makes way,

Perhaps a change will occur,

Or perhaps the confusion of the Light in the dark

Will make the blackness much colder,

And the Light will be forced out even more so;

For not understanding why the Light strives to overcome the dark

Brings about a misdirected anger -

Grasping to understand, but remaining confused,

Not understanding the war within,

Struggling to break free from the suffocating darkness,

But not yet willing;

For if the dark has never experienced a cleansing heat,

The intrusion it feels wants to annihilate the Light

And never again be forced to look at things through bright eyes;

But the Light will come again,

Fir it will forever exist,

And it will not cease to attempt to penetrate the dark,

For the Light never loses strength and sends fear into the dark's soul,

So the dark will never forget that the Light was there -

And the memory of the warmth will remain

"Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?." Matthew 18:33

Don’t be Offended (1997)

When others feel the need to insult you or your beliefs,

Don’t be offended - -

Feel compassion,

For the throwing of insults proves they are weak;

They have such a low self-image

That they must tear others down to build themselves up;

So don’t be offended - -

Feel pity,

For unless their attitude changes

They are doomed to an eternity of misery,

As their guilt builds higher;

Don’t be offended - -

Feel sorrow,

For their hearts are breaking,

And the anger you see

Is a reflection of the hurt

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Isaiah 40:31 (1999) 

“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…”

I have become quite good at waiting - -

Waiting for my soul mate,

Waiting for a job to make me happy,

Waiting to feel true joy;

My strength is only renewed 

When I remember that God is in control of my future,

Only His guidance will pull me through

“…they shall mount up with wings like eagles…”

I haven’t yet learned to fly,

But my wings grow stronger every day,

As my faith grows,

And I fully begin to accept

That God is in control,

Only then do I feel the wind beneath me,

As I soar on the mercy of Christ

“…they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

It is hard not to grow weary of this world,

Of the selfishness,

Of the violence,

Of the hate,

But I have found myself enduring,

Wrapped in the security of Christ,

And His everlasting love 

"In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace." Ephesians 1:7

A New Song (2002) (Written for a friend)

Mistakes were made,

Hearts were broken,

Relationships were shattered,

But that was not the end

Redemption enveloped her soul,

Tears were shed,

A bruised reed was mending,

A new stage was emerging

Healing had begun,

Changes were being made,

Lives were being restored,

A new day had dawned

A new love,

A new faith,

A stronger heart

This was just the beginning

Beauty shines,

Soul is strengthened,

Life and love are embraced,

A new song awaits!

"For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Psalm 139:13-14

(Note: Just a reminder I did not get married until June 2012, when I was almost 40 years old!)

Designed by God (2003)

People ask me

If it is hard to live alone,

But I have never been afraid

To spend time by myself;

My mother tells me

Since I was a child,

I would spend hours alone,

Imagining and creating stories;

Entertaining myself 

Was a habit I acquired 

At a very young age;

It is how I know this is who I am meant to be;

For the Bible

Tells me I was designed by God

While still in my mother’s womb;

God planned the child, teenager, and woman

I would grow to be;

God knew I would be alone,

So He gave me a gift with animals - -

He sent them to me for my companionship;

So yes, I know God chose the path I would travel;

I was meant to remain unmarried,

To be content sharing my home

With dogs and cats alone;

And I am satisfied with my life as is,

Because it is what God chose for me

Julie's Poetry, Part 1, 1991-1994

I do not write poems very often (I am not a very good poet), but I wanted to share these very honest poems with you. I was still rough around the edges in my walk with the Lord, but these poems show a thread of faith throughout my life as I grew in the Lord. There are a lot of them so I have divided them into three parts.  I have not written any new poems since 2017.

“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

Be Still (1991)

Be still…

My heart pounds and I clench my fists,

I can feel my frustrations surge again,

The tears sit quietly in the corners of my eyes

And know…

What waits for me?

Are my dreams to remain wishes?

Will I even know when reality comes?

That I…

I cannot grasp what is to be,

There are no visible signs leading me,

I do not know what the future holds

Am God!

The Peace of His strength now surrounds me,

Life’s questions begin to fade,

What waits for me will come

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Pslam 27:13

Waiting (1993)

I’ve heard it said before

That only the wicked are downcast,

Only they are restless with life,

But even I,

With Christ at my side,

Even I am impatient

I long for a better future,

Expecting to again love life,

Though nothing ever changes,

Yet I still wait,

Praying for a miracle,

But I wait with an open heart

A prophecy was spoken one night,

Telling me of God’s love,

It said He was planning my future,

And as I cried,

With bitter tears turned to pearls,

I cried with hope and peace

God’s love is teaching me every day

To trust whatever He has planned,

There is freedom in God’s words

And I love Him,

Knowing His promises are true,

I love Him with all my heart

"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Mercy (1993)

I sit alone to talk to You,

But words are so hard to come by,

I want to speak of my love for You,

But You are so hard to comprehend,

You surrendered Your dignity to be nailed to a tree,

How can I put such an act into words?

In all Your majesty and glory, Lord,

You allow me to come,

Alone I will be with You,

To bask in Your mercy

When I failed You and broke Your heart,

You still loved and cherished me, Lord,

And never gave up on me,

Compassion saw past my stubborn heart,

And allowed me to come back into Your arms,

To lean on Your love alone,

Knowing Your mercy will always find me

No matter how hard life may be,

Your love brings things into perspective,

Your grace makes life bearable,

And my trust remains in You

“Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. For thy lovingkindness is before mine eyes: and I have walked in thy truth." Psalm 26:2-3

My Prayer (1993)

Dear Lord,

Anger rose up within me today…

How could one more bad thing happen?

How could I possibly handle more?

I am not so strong, Lord.

But as I opened up Your word,

A wave of Your comfort swept over me;

You knew how much I needed Your love.

Your compassionate voice told me all I needed was You.

You also gently reminded me of my words:

I asked You to test me, Lord,

I begged for You to make me stronger 

Make me ready to serve You - -

Whatever it takes, Lord;

I am willing to be used by and for You.

And as I grow emotionally bound to You,

And the tears I used to hate surge,

I am comforted by those tears,

For You are the One who caused them to be,

And through them, I am stronger,

For I feel You most when I am weak,

And even while I’m telling You my day’s woes,

You empower ne in Your love…

I love You, Lord!

Thank You for trusting me enough to test me - -

I will do my best for You.

Amen

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:" John 10:27

The Voice (1994)

So many frustrations in my life,

So many hardships to bear,

Yet a peace encloses my heart,

And a Voice gently tells me not to fear

My senses come alive as this Voice speaks…

I have heard that sound before.

The soothing Voice that calms my anxieties

Is my dearest friend - - my Lord Jesus Christ!

"Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." John 8:12

True Happiness (1994)

I have discovered happiness is surreal,

There is no real joy in this world,

Pain lurks around every corner,

Ready to drag down another victim

If only I look past worldly boundaries,

I can see a brighter Light - -

A Light that dims the sun,

And where there is never any darkness

I reach for that Light - -

Though I am uncertain what it brings,

For I know it is Jesus Christ,

And His peace is all I need to know

If only I will let Him lead me,

And use only desires He gives to me,

Then His happiness will bring comfort,

And this world’s pleasures won’t mean a thing

"And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away... And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works." Revelation 20:11-13

Judgment Day (1994)

When all is said and done,

And I stand before my Lord,

He will not ask me of my wealth,

Nor will He ask about my successes,

He does not care whether I wore the proper fashion,

For this world will fade away;

What my God really wants to know

Is if I truly loved Him with all my heart,

Did I desire His perfect will for my life

And seek His guidance with fervent prayer?

Am I practicing all I read in His holy word?

Or am I a hearer only?

Am I a quiet witness?

Do I shout His name in the streets?

Or do I pretend He means nothing to me?

When I meet my Jesus face to face,

And bow in fear and reverence,

I want Him to know that He is everything to me,

And that I tried to be everything for Him. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Because of Men (1994)

Because of men,

Women go weak in the knees,

They write enough poetry to fit into a book,

They cry and feel pain,

And make fools of themselves

Because of men,

Women settle down to marry,

They learn to cook and clean,

They become mothers

And begin a happy home

Because of mankind,

Jesus died upon a cross,

He wrote them a love story in His Holy book,

He cried and felt pain,

He let them make Him look like a fool

Because of mankind,

Christ rose from the dead

He returned to heaven

He prepared a place for them

He offers a happy home

“ I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me!" Philippians 4:13

Philippians 4:13 (1994) 

God, help me,

I can barely find the strength to breathe,

There is so much weighing on my soul,

And I fear this time it’s there to stay;

Give me strength, sweet Jesus,

I cannot do this without You;

I feel I will fall if You let go,

Please hold me tighter - -

I need You!

Don’t give up on me, Lord,

It would be so easy;

Don’t let me cease to believe in You,

For I feel my doubts are stronger than I am - -

They are pulling me so hard,

I feel I am drowning!

O, Heavenly Father, save me,

Don’t let me lose sight of Your love,

Pull me up from despair,

Don’t let me give in to disbelief,

Make me trust in You more;

I know I have pushed You away,

But I’ve always known I need You;

Let me come to You, dear Savior,

I feel I can no longer burden You,

But I need You once again;

I will never stop needing You,

For without You I am weak,

But through Your strength,

I can do all things!

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." Psalm 42:5

Sometimes (1994)

Sometimes I actually forget,

And everything seems... normal,

There is no fear,

No doubt,

But then an unexplainable anger will come

In remembrance of all that's ripping me apart

Sometimes I blame God,

And He feels so far away,

I cannot feel His presence,

And praying seems futile,

But then I realize how much I need Him,

And He pulls me back into His arms