Ephesians 5:22-33: The Keys to Unlock a Successful Marriage

Ephesians 5:22-33: The Keys to Unlock a Successful Marriage 

I know that this passage is considered old-fashioned to some.  But for a Biblical perspective, feel free to read my writing on these verses from the other blog I write, "The ABCs of a Joyful Marriage," from week 21. ( https://abcsofajoyfulmarriage.blogspot.com/ ).  Here is an excerpt from that week: ( https://abcsofajoyfulmarriage.blogspot.com/2024/05/week-21-keep-holding-on-keys-to-success.html ) : 

If you want the keys to unlock a successful marriage, the number one rule is to let God be at the center of your marriage, and the number two is to learn to let the husband be the leader.  I can guarantee that if you follow these two principles, your marriage will be romantic, loving, and joyful.

I once had a woman ask me how (I think she meant why) she could (or should) submit to her husband who insisted on making every decision.  First, not all husbands know how to be leaders in a marriage and women do not know how to be led.  Our society has become so brainwashed, and roles are often reversed in the media.  Men are over-the-top bullies or too passive.  Women are too independent and aggressive.  There needs to be a good balance.  There needs to be love, respect, and communication. 

Men know how to be leaders in a job, but not necessarily in their own home. A good boss allows his employees to have their opinions, but he is ultimately the boss and his final decision stands.  This is true also in a marriage.  Spouses should be free to debate issues when they disagree, and the husband does not automatically make every decision as a dictator.  However, if it comes to a point where no compromise can be made, the husband gets the final word, and his decision ultimately stands.  Genesis 2:24 states that the two become one flesh, which means marriage is a partnership and the two of you make decisions as a team.  God meant for Eve to be Adam’s helper as a part of him, not as his servant. 

A good husband will never be a bully and refuse to listen to his wife’s opinion on any matter.  Of course, not every husband operates this way.  It does not mean he is a bad man, just improperly "trained."  I worked in law enforcement (as a civilian) for seven years, and cops do not become chief overnight.  It takes many years of training and experience to reach your way to the top. You must learn to be a good leader and that takes studying and learning from others.  No one becomes an expert spouse overnight.  Reading marriage books (not just this one, of course) is an excellent way to learn as well as talking to others that have successful marriages.  There is never any shame in asking for help from a spiritual leader or counselor if no solutions can be reached on your own.  It is better to seek help from a neutral party rather than a family member or friend who will be sure to take sides. 

We all learn by example and not all men come from homes where the father was the leader.  I have seen far too many homes where the wife rebelled against the husband and refused to let him lead because she was too set in her ways or did not want to be, what she considered, controlled.  For example, I knew a husband who did not want his wife wearing cleavage-bearing tops or short skirts.  Rather than respect her husband (or the Lord) and dress modestly, she rebelled because she felt he was being too controlling, not respecting that as a wife, and especially as a Christian, she should dress modestly, and not to attempt to attract other men.

In addition, some wives are the leaders because the man is too passive.  I knew a family with thirteen children where the mother ruled the home.  Each son married an aggressive woman who also ruled their home, and their daughters married men they could control.  I spoke with one of the daughters that confided in me that she had been given a bad example by her parents. She and her husband were learning he was to be the head of the home.  She said they now believed in the principles of Ephesians 5:22-33 and were beginning to apply them to their family.  She said it made for a much happier marriage and things naturally fell in place, as it was more natural to let the husband be the leader.  They both had to learn to change their patterns and make adjustments, but it proved to me that it could be done.  The passive husband had become a loving leader.  The aggressive wife was still a very strong woman, but now much more respectful of her husband’s role and enjoyed it more that way.  She said their marriage finally now felt more like a partnership for the first time in almost twenty years. 

The absence of a mother or father in the home will also make it very difficult for a man to know how to lead if he has never seen it in action.  You cannot fault a man or woman who does not know the proper Biblical roles if they have never seen how it is supposed to look.  One or both of them may not have grown up in Godly homes. 

The only way to deal with all these issues is through Biblical guidance, communication with each other, and outside counseling if necessary.

(Ephesians 5:22-33) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her… So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church…  “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh...” let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.