Let Others see Christ Through Your Marriage

 

You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.
Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16

If you ever attended church, I am certain you have sung, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” When you think of this song, you probably automatically begin picturing all the hand motions, including covering and uncovering your “candle” (finger) to show you will not hide your light under a bushel.  Matthew 5 tells us we are not to keep our lights hidden.  We are boldly to display our relationship with Christ as a lighthouse, a beacon so those lost at sea can find their ways to the Savior.

One of the best ways we can be a good example of God’s love is through our marriages.  I know I have said it before, but I do not mind repeating myself: People frequently tell Mel and I are how adorable we are in our interactions with one another.  In June, we will have been married for five years, but our love never wanes.  People still ask if we are newlyweds and still tell us how much they enjoy seeing how loving and respectful we are with one another.  We have had strangers tell us so many times that they admire how we interact, that I cannot even count the number of compliments.  We keep our public affection decent, but we draw attention because of how we are so giving with one another.  We hold hands and hug (and yes, sometimes we tactfully  kiss), we use loving terms with each other, we do not argue, and the selfless side to our relationship always comes across as we put the other’s needs first.  People take notice.

(By the way, we are the genuine article, we treat each other just as lovingly and respectfully in private; we are not putting on a facade.)

The light shining forth from our marriage has often been a great opportunity to share the love of the Lord.  I was rarely approached for random dialogues when I was single, but when I am with Mel, strangers often start conversations with us, sometimes for 30 minutes or longer.  Although I am very shy and introverted and typically wary of people I do not know, when I am with Mel I feel less self-conscious and can open up and be friendly to strangers.  Being married to a bold extrovert is good for me.  I can more easily share the love of Christ with a husband by my side that helps me feel more comfortable in my own skin.  We have offered to pray for several people because of personal issues they have shared with us.  Our willingness to listen and show compassion makes people feel safe around us and let their guards down.  I fully believe it is only after they see how joyful and respectful our marriage is that they feel comfortable enough to approach us.  They want to know more about why we radiate so much love.  

This seems like such a basic message and not as “meaty” as some of my other blogs.  However, I felt it was important to remind you that someone is always watching; especially if you call yourself a Christian.  The way you and your spouse treat each other in public says a lot more than you realize.  You can either enhance or blow your testimony based on your public interactions.

I do not want to get into the countless poor examples of marriages I have seen from people who attach the title of Christian to themselves.  My point is not to berate other people or to be judgmental, but to make a point.  When others openly do not take their marriages seriously, they make a very loud statement they do not believe in practicing the basic principles of the bible.  They are a poor testimony of their faith.  Consider the following scripture verses, and see if you follow these teachings when in public.  The first one has to do with remembering you are married and to be loyal to your spouse even with your eyes.  The second is a reminder to all those who like to wear short shorts, tight leggings, low cut tops, etc.  Remember you are someone’s wife!  

 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  Matthew 5:28

…women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation…
which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.
II Timothy 2:9-10

Ephesians 5 says we are to treat each other with love and respect.  Each time someone insults their spouse in public or makes it clear they feel their mate is nothing more than a nag, they stomp all over the bible and bury it in the ground.  And trust me, everyone notices when you belittle each other or fight in public.        

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it… “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh…” Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.  Ephesians 5:22-33

Always remember other people are watching.  If those people are already critical of Christians, they are watching extra hard, waiting for any excuse to insult believers’ actions.  They are anxious to say, “If that’s what being a Christian looks like, I don’t want any part of it.”  I want my light for Christ to shine even when I am alone, but especially when I am with my husband.  I want others to look at my marriage as a shining example of what pure, honest, respectful, and Godly love looks like.  I want them to see Jesus in us and intrigue them to want to know more.  Mel and I are both honored when we are approached and strangers open up to us and God presents an opportunity for sharing His love.

I want to end this with something we have not yet done, but plan to do in the future.  I read in an old issue of Guideposts where a reader said that he and his wife always tell their waiter/waitress that they are about to pray over their meal and ask if the server has any prayer requests.  He said they receive mixed results, but no one has asked them not to pray, and sometimes the server will even join in the prayer.  What a beautiful way to shine for the Lord!  May we always be thinking of more ways to be bold for Christ and let our marriage be our testimony!   

The Cross-Stitching Comparison

One of the hobbies I enjoy is cross-stitching.  The first cross-stich I made was for my Grandma in 2003.  I have made more projects than I can count; I seem always to be working on something as it keeps my mind from getting bored.  Since I have been extra cross-stich occupied this month, I began realizing how many parallels there are between cross-stitching and my Christian walk.  Sounds silly, I know, but read on and you will see what I mean.

Before I can even begin to work on a project, I must make sure my hands are clean.  I would not want inadvertently to transfer any dirt onto the nice clean fabric.  One little stain could ruin a lot of hard work. 

The same is true in the way I should approach my relationship with the Lord.  I must make certain my hands, mind, body, spirit, and heart are all clean on the inside and not just on the outside.  Sin can separate me from my Holy Father.  One mark can soil all my good works.  Yet, just as stain remover can save the cross-stitch, prayer and sincere repentance can restore me unto Christ.      

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence.
Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness.  Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness, Matthew 23:25-28

 

If I want my project to be a work of art and not just something to do to occupy my restless mind, then I must follow the pattern.  I study it and formulate a plan of action, make notes, and have all my thread organized before I even begin.  I become so meticulous about the pattern, I sometimes even dream about my work.  I must stick to the pattern if I am to have a successful project.  If I try to set the instructions aside and veer off on my own, chances are I will have a messy outcome.

If I am to walk down paths of righteousness and not merely be a Christian in title alone, I must study the Word of God.  I must know Christ’s laws intimately.  I am not to merely read the Bible for unproductive entertainment, but to absorb all I read, make notes, and let it all sink in.  I am to be so obsessed with the words of Jesus Christ, I even dream in scripture verses.  If I stray away from what the bible teaches, I will end up with a mess.  I must follow through obeying Jesus’ commandments in order to successfully endure to the end.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing. II Timothy 4:7-8   

 

As I work, it is fun to start to see a picture taking shape, but it is difficult to make out the complete picture until the project is farther advanced.

Just like life, right!  When we look at our life in segments, it sometimes makes no sense.  What is the big picture?  We often have to wait until something very specific happens to see the results.  For example, when the insurance company fired me in 2011, I felt like God had let me down.  It was not until I met Mel three months later that I realized all the time I had while I was unemployed was a huge gift from God.  It made it possible for us to spend a lot of time together so we were able to fall in love and get married three months after meeting.  If I had been employed when we met, I may not even have found the time to meet him in the first place.  What a huge loss that would have been!  Marrying Mel has been the best thing that ever happened to me (after my relationship with the Lord, of course).

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11      

It is inevitable that I will make a mistake at least once during my project.  My mind wanders easily, so sometimes forcing my brain to focus and properly count the little squares to place the stitches in the right places goes wrong.  Gratefully, I have a wonderful pair of scissors called “snip-a-stitch” (which, strangely enough, are identical in style to the suture removal scissors I used in veterinary medicine).  I can simply cut away the misplaced thread and correct my mistakes.

Not all mistakes in life can be undone.  Sometimes the damage we have caused is so severe a relationship is forever ruined.  However, with Christ, He will always take me back if I repent.  Revelation 2:1-7 speaks to the church in Ephesus that has lost its love for Jesus.  Yet, God tells them if they repent and do their first works over, He will take them back.  As I have said many times, grace is not automatic, we must ask for forgiveness and repent with a sincere and penitent heart, determined never to repeat the same sins.  When we do as such, Jesus is then gracious enough to forgive us.

Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.
Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place--unless you repent.
He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God. Revelation 2:4, 5 & 7

When I look at the back of a completed cross-stich project, it looks like a mess!  I am certain the perfectionists out there follow all the rules and the flip side of their fabrics all look neat and tidy in the end, but not mine!  It is a jumble of knots and shows all the places my thread became tangled and snagged.  There is little resemblance of the design on the other side.  It looks as if I did not even begin to follow the pattern.  What is before my eyes is nonsensical.  Yet turn it over and, voila, a beautiful picture is now visible. 

I cannot count the times when my life felt like an ugly chaotic mess.  My heart was knotted and messy.  As I stated a few paragraphs ago, I cannot always see the big picture and have often been certain God has left me on my own with no directions.  However, when I step back and analyze the entire picture and not just one-side, I can clearly see God’s hand has always been present. 

In the series of novels I am writing (Mel calls them the “Zynastrian Chronicles”), in both books one and two (I am now currently working on book 3), one of the common themes is learning to recognize how God’s hand so beautifully guides our paths.  Zachariah, one of the main characters, has had a series of disappointments and heartaches in his life.  He is only able to heal from his past and learn to let go of his anger toward God after he realizes how each major stage in his life all happened for his own good.  I do not want to waste time going into Zachariah’s story since that is not the point of this blog, but basically his life was a tangled mess.  Yet when he is finally ready to see the other side of things, his heart heals and he is able to reconcile with God.  I must have this same attitude. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

The last step of every cross-stitch project is to add the backstitching.  These lines create the detail and make the picture more defined.  Without the added lines, the picture is pretty, but not distinct.

There are times in our lives we may assume we are finished, or have the attitude we are good enough, but there are still more details for God to add.  It may seem we are at a place where everything is right where it should be, but God is never fully finished working on us.  Unlike a cross-stich that eventually has an end, God is always adding the well-defined moments to our lives that make us complete.  We are always growing spiritually (or at least we should be), and God is always finding more and more ways to bless us.  The details only get better and better as our lives progress.   

Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.  Psalm 139:1-6 & 13-16  

As I mentioned in the first paragraph, I have made more projects than I can count.  Yet I have only made one project exclusively for myself. The above picture the gift I made for Mel’s birthday last year (I have also made him at least three other cross-stitches and I am currently working on a two-sided lighthouse bookmark for him). I do not have pictures of most of the presents I have made.  All of my projects have been gifts for others or for my husband and me to share.  I have wanted to make myself a bookmark for a while, but I am always working on something for someone else.  This is in no way a complaint.  It makes me very happy to create a work of art for someone else. I have always loved giving gifts, and being on a limited budget, cross-stitching is something I can easily afford.  It is personal, and while I am making it, I can take the time to pray over the person.  Sometimes God even calls me to make projects for people I scarcely know or for whom I have hard feelings.  Making such a craft is therapeutic.   

And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35

This is the way God wants me to approach my faith.  We are called to let our lights shine and not keep our faith hidden.  When we share the love of Christ more people than we may ever realize will benefit.  With such a perfect gift of love that Jesus has given to us, why would we want to keep it to ourselves? 

 You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.
Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16

The Wrestling Match, Written by Mel

The Wrestling Match, Written by Mel

Gal 5:16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

 

We are all participants in a wrestling match. For our fleshly nature is contrary to God’s Spirit, and the two natures are in opposition to one another. Our flesh wars against God’s Spirit, and must be brought into subjection to God’s will. Many people say that we are only human and God understands, as well as, tolerates our carnal nature. This false belief is a lie and is contrary to God’s Word. God’s Holy Spirit is more powerful than sin and He has equipped us with the power to live a holy life, separated from the world. The battleground is our mind and our will is all that stands in the way from totally surrendering to Christ. If we purpose in our heart to love God more than the world, and are willing to yield our minds to the convictions of the Holy Spirit, then God will transform us into a new creation. All things are possible with God, if you will surrender  your will to his.

 

 Christ said, that if you love him you will keep his commandments. Paul said, that if you continue in sin you do not know the Father or the Son. No one is perfect by any means, for we have all sinned and fallen short of his glory. Paul is speaking of habitual sins, also known as bondages. A sinful lifestyle will lead you down the broad road to Hell. Christ made atonement upon the cross for sins committed in ignorance, as well as, for sins that are repented of. Grace is not automatic, grace follows repentance only. Repentance means that we are sorry for our sins and are turning away from them. If we stumble and fall, we should not get discouraged. We should get back up, dust ourselves off, and press forward in Christ. There is grace to help us overcome our fleshly nature. God does not expect a new believer to grow up overnight. God gives us time to grow in him. We enter the Kingdom of Heaven as babes on milk, but we are expected to grow up to strong meat in time. God is calling His children to bear much good fruit for His Kingdom. Galatians 5, lists the works of the flesh, as well as, the fruit of the Spirit. The works of the sinful nature will bar a person from entrance to God’s Kingdom. Gal 5:19-21 states that those who practice these sins, will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Christ said, that any tree that does not bear good fruit, will be cut down and thrown into the fire. God’s Word, states that some will produce thirty, sixty, and one hundred fold fruit. As we grow in Christ, we will produce different levels of fruit, but we must produce good fruit if we are truly born again. To be born again, is to become a new creation in Christ, through submission to the working of God’s Spirit.

 

Many years ago, I worked as a security guard in a large office building. I had a conflict with the cleaning crew over security issues. This conflict caused me to have a great amount of bitterness toward these people. The Lord gave me a dream about the bitterness that I was contending with. I dreamed that I was walking through a building and the lights went out. Later the lights came back on. The angel of the Lord walked up to me and said, “You could have been injured, or killed, when the lights were out.” I was told to remain plugged in to the power source, which is the Holy Spirit. I was then seated at a large banquet table, with candles and good food. The lady, who was the supervisor of the cleaning crew approached me and looked very irritated. I was eating a red pepper, which is symbolic of anger. I spoke to her with kindness and forgave her. I understood that when we have bitterness, or hatred, toward others, we are walking in darkness rather than light. Bitterness, or hatred, will cut you off from God, as well as, his protection. God cannot look upon sin, it will cut you off from His provision, until you repent. Ephesians 5, tells us to be imitators of God, and to walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself for us. Ephesians 5, also tells us that no unclean person has any inheritance in the Kingdom of God. That is why it is crucial, that we allow God’s Spirit to purify us, and separate us, from the sinful world. Without holiness, no man shall see the Father. We are told to walk in the light, bearing the fruit of God’s Spirit, as well as, to have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.

 

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. 3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5 For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them. 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), 10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. 13 But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. 14 Therefore He says: "Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light."