The last few days have held a lot of disappointments. I admittedly had quite a few days where I was doubting God was really listening to any of my prayers. However, after sitting down and really analyzing each situation, I realized that God's hand had been in the midst of things, and His way worked out much better than my plans. If things had gone my way, it would most likely have turned into a worse situation down the road. Yes, I know I'm being vague, but I'll just leave it there for now. The point is, I had to spend some time repenting of my arrogant attitude for not trusting that the Almighty was fully in control.
I am a list maker, and I love to have everything neatly scheduled. I make lists for lists that need to be made - I'm not kidding! That's why I created the above computer art, (I found the schedule board on Bing and just added my own words), because I want every minute planned out. When I see nothing but a blank calendar or a huge question mark, it makes me feel very anxious. Yet, this has been my life for several years. God is continually telling me to wait on His perfect timing. I literally find myself praying, "But, God, can't you show me a calendar with a date on it? If not, then at least give me a hint of a month or season, or at least a year?" (to expect this specific thing I'm waiting on) Do you sense the panic? It is so hard for me to simply wait. I hate waiting in line, I hate waiting for the microwave, I hate stop lights... Get the picture? I am a very impatient person. I was even born a month early and my mom almost lost me several times (Of course, I'm also claustrophobic, so that's probably also why I was in a hurry to be born!). I am not sure how not to be impatient. (Sorry for the double-negative in the sentence.)
One of the hardest scriptures for me to emulate is Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God..." I have much difficulty simply being still. I have tried so many times to shut my brain off and just listen to what God has to say, but my brain won't ever shut up! I guess this is why God uses the times in-between awake and asleep to speak to me, or in my dreams; it is the only time I am still enough to listen!
Ever try talking to someone who keeps interrupting you or who is not really hearing you? Frustrating, isn't it? Yet, God had to deal with this every time He tries to speak to me. Am I robbing myself of a blessing by my stubborn impatience? Probably. But as I just mentioned, God has been gracious enough to find other ways to communicate with me.
If you are like me, don't let your inability to trust in God's perfect timing in every single situation interfere with whatever God is trying to tell you. I know a lot of people who have difficulty quieting their minds. Pray that God will find other ways to get your attention such as speaking to you in dreams and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to you even when awake.
Reading the bible is the perfect way to hear God speaking to you. The words may seem like they were written for a specific group of people 2,000 to 3,000 years ago, but God's words are very relevant for you and me. The promises I am listing in my closing scriptures are very much for today. These are all some of my favorite verses. They are all very good reminders that, even when we can't see the big picture, that God is in complete control of it all. He holds our lives in the palms of his hands. Just knowing that makes it possible to take a deep breath and relax. And I don't even have to schedule God in - He is always there!
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end [or hope for the future]. Jeremiah 29:11
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139 1-14 & 23-24
And my current favorite verse (I know the artwork is bad, but you get the idea):
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. I Corithians 13:12
