I ran into an old friend last week. We had always suspected a certain man and woman were having an affair, but weren't positive. She told me she had recently caught the two of them together in a near-kiss. She said things between them were so out of hand that even clients were making comments. I asked her if he was still married, and she said he was. This affair has been going for a minimum of 2 years (probably closer to 3).
Exodus 20:14 states, “You shall not commit adultery." Could it be any more clear?
I know I've mentioned many times my feelings on affairs, but after the conversation last week, I felt the need to address it again. I have felt disturbed in my soul ever since. It was pretty obvious several years ago that these two people were getting close to an affair. They flirted constantly and were less and less subtle about sharing sexual innuendos back and forth. He is her boss and very obviously gave her special favors including the highest salary in the office in spite of the fact she had been there the shortest amount of time. My post is not about anyone specific, but I am just pointing this out because it is a perfect example of what I wrote about a few posts ago: that flirting is never harmless and often leads to much more dangerous territory. So please be aware of how you act around the opposite sex. Are you simply friendly, or are you outright flirting. Ask others if you are unsure. By the way, the dictionary definition of flirting is: "to act amorously; play at love; to trifle or toy, as with an idea." Says a lot doesn't it? Says right there that it's toying with an idea, such as an affair.
Proverbs 6:32, "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul." Affairs are not glamorous, sexy, exciting, fun, funny, or romantic. They are raunchy, soul-destroying, family-ruining, nasty, evil things.
I have known too many people who have had affairs, and I have heard far too many excuses. The most common are: mid-life crisis, I was hurt as a child, he/she cheated on me first, he/she is too controlling, I have a deeper desire for sex than he/she does, I no longer desire him/her, I want to teach him/her a lesson, men in the bible were allowed to have more than one wife, it makes me feel sexy, or just because I want to. There is no such thing as a good excuse because there is never any good reason to have an affair. All of these issues are fixable if you are willing to do the work. There is no shame in seeking professional help. And if you truly love your spouse, you'll risk the awkwardness of talking to a your spouse, a spiritual mentor, or psychologist in order to save your marriage before an affair happens. Afterwards it may be too late.
If you truly love your spouse as I so crazily love mine, you would never even dream of cheating. The idea would make you want to vomit. Which is why the conversation I had last week has been bothering me so much. Affairs make me sick! Bottom line to me is that if you are willing to cheat, you don't truly love your spouse. In my opinion, those who cheat are clearly showing they are not in love with their mate. But that is still no excuse to dishonor your wedding vows. After all, you chose to get married.
Keep this in mid too: if you choose to be the one cheating with a married person, he does not love you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if he leaves his wife for you, statistics say he will not be faithful to you either. If he's willing to trade his wife in for a younger model, he'll most likely trade you in as well.
I've said it before, affairs are not only physical, they can also be mental and emotional. Granted, they are not as dangerous, but have great potential to lead down darker paths. Chatting too much with someone other than your spouse on line or through texts is still cheating. And yes, affairs happen in the mind as well. Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Affairs ruin more than marriages, they destroy families. I've it seen over and over again: a once bright and sunny child becomes sullen and possibly even a troublemaker after such an event. It makes them see everyone around them as untrustworthy. Children are affected no matter what age they are when they learn of a parent's infidelity. I've known adults whose parents got divorced due to an affair (or two), and it deeply wounded them to their very souls. One 24 year-old woman almost committed suicide because she was so devastated by her mother cheating on her father. She would have succeeded had not a friend discovered her in the midst of trying to end her own life. (She was even 5 or 6 months pregnant at the time.) Another woman was terrified of marriage because she was afraid there was no such thing as true love if those who claimed to be in love were willing to betray a spouse in such a horrible fashion. She shied away from even getting a crush on a man because of her trust issues.
If you are in the middle of an affair, stop! Seek help immediately. You may or may not be able to save your marriage, but if you repent, you will save your soul.
Whether you are married or single, if you are ever tempted to have an affair, please remember this: Corinthians 10:13" No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." There is always a way out and the opportunity to say no and walk away. There are no excuses. Period.
Here are some other blogs I have written that mention this same subject. Also Dr. James Dobson is an excellent source for many materials on marriage.
http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2014/01/eye-candy.html
http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-jealous-love.html
http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2013/02/it-makes-so-much-more-sense-to-me-now.html
http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2013/01/be-accountable-to-each-other-facebook.html
http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2012/08/flesh-of-my-flesh.html
