People who choose not to drink, smoke, sleep with those to whom they not married, take drugs, cheat, lie, etc., are often referred to as squares, goody-two-shoes, and very often called self-righteous. I would much rather have a reputation for old-fashioned values and called every single name in the book that insults moralistic behavior, than live with regrets. I may be old-fashioned, but my marriage is happy, healthy, successful, and full of romance.
I would not say our beliefs are controversial, but I would say they are unpopular and go against the more common ways of man. I will try to keep this as simple as possible and stick to just a few issues that things the world considers as old-fashioned, but we see as a recipe for an enduring marriage.
Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:21
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? I Corinthians 6:19
We all know the bible does not say drinking alcohol is wrong. What is does say is that one is not to get drunk. Getting drunk causes one to act inappropriately and do things they would not normally do. You all know the list from minor things to excessive laughing or crying to major things like having sex with someone you are not married to, and driving so reckless you take a life. Why take that chance? It is better to abstain from both alcohol and even so-called harmless drugs and remove even the slightest possibility of doing something you cannot take back. Also, the addictive qualities of alcohol and drugs are enormous and such addictions destroy families. (By the way, I worked in law enforcement for 7 years and I can say for a fact that there is no such thing as a "harmless" drug, so do not fool yourself into thinking something such as marijuana is no big deal. It is just as much the cause of crimes, death, and family crisis any other drug.)
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28
It is not healthy to watch movies with nudity or sex scenes. I will take this one step father, and say you should even turn the movie off if the characters are dressed too provocatively. I have touched on the issue of the dangers of pornography before http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2014/05/pornography-is-not-victimless-sin.html, so please also read that blog Mel and I wrote together. Allowing youself to be sexually stirred up by someone other than your spouse is a line that should not be crossed. Be brutally honest with yourself, and if you are feeling titilated by watching a movie star show off way too much flesh, have the courage to turn off whatever it is you are watching. Your spouse will not chastise you for admitting to these feelings, and will be gratfeul you are so loyal to him/her, that you are willing to say, "Enough!" to smut. See also http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2014/01/eye-candy.html
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. I Corinthians 7:1-3
We do not believe in hugging people of the opposite sex (with the expception of relatives). That may seem silly, but it is a biblical pricipal. What Paul was saying (in the above verse) is that it's not wise to tempt youself with the flesh of someone not your spouse. And that we should save our affections for only our mate. Not everyone who wants a hug is a pervert, but, and I am taking this from an angle from talking to men and what they have admitted to, that hugging an attractive woman is a huge turn on to them. Mel has even over-heard men in his former church say they could not wait until they were told to hug another church member because there were several women they were anxious to get their arms around. The only person Mel and I want to stimulate is each other. If someone tries to hug you, quickly offer a freindly handshake. It is better to rule on the side of caution and risk hurting a few feelings. Whenever we have offered a hand over a hug, no one has been offended. Even if they are put off, it is better to offend them than insult your spouse by allowing another person to find pleasure in your embrace.
For the commandment is a lamp, And the law a light; Reproofs of instruction are the way of life, To keep you from the evil woman, From the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot A man is reduced to a crust of bread; And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.Proverbs 6:23-29
My most read blog is titled "The Triuth about affairs." http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-truth-about-affairs.html If you have not read it, please take the time to do so. Because it has been so widley read, I will not repeat myself too much. However, it is worth saying again that affairs are toxic. Even freindships witth the opposite sex are dangerous, and I strongly suggest that once you get married, you have the rule to never spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, and this includes over the phone / computer. If you have the need to confide in someone other than your mate (which I do not recommend as you and your spouse should be open and upfront with each other aboout all things), make sure that person is of the same sex. If you desire a girls' or guys' night out, that's great, but be sure it is just the girls or guys and that the activity you particpate in does not compromise your marriage.
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? I Corinthians 7:10-16
“For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16
Divorce is not an option other than over the issue of an affair or abuse (this includes to your children). People today would much rather call it quits than to work things out. When people mark option on the diovorce papers that says "Irreconcilable Differences," they are simply saying they refuse to try to fix things. I have said many times that there is no shame in seeking counseling if you cannot work things out on your own. Theabove verses say that it is better to stay together even if one of the spouses is a believer and you are, as your faith very well may win him/her over.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body,of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33
I am saving this issue for last, because if you stick to this principal first and foremost, everything else will naturally fall into place for a joyful and peaceful marriage. The world says that it is okay for her to wear the pants in the family and bully her husband. In fact Hollywood shows most marriages with the women nagging her husband while he complies but later complains to his buddies and then drools over other women behind her back. Being submissive to your spouse and allowing him to be the leader is probably the most old-fashioned value of all the above. I have addressed this issue more than any other but the truth does not change. Feel free to read http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2014/03/love-respect-communication.html and http://thankful-julie.blogspot.com/2014/04/when-is-it-okay-not-to-submit-to-your.html .
With all this said, I want to make it clear that I am well aware that I know I could be even more old-fashioned and have even less of the world in me. I know I fail and must repent of my selfish ways. But the point is that following the pricipals from the bible may seem old-fashioned or backwards, but they are a sure formula for a wonderful, lasting, fun, delightful, and satisfying marriage!
